Family (A Dan Howell Fic)

.:Our Talk:.

I close Phil's door and walked across to Dan's. I really didn't want to. I probably made him feel so embarrassed. I took a deep breath and knocked then slowly opened the door.

"Dan, are you there?"

There was a shaking lump on his bed. I wasn't gonna ignore that. He did not answer me.

"Dan, can we talk?" I felt like a mum.

"What is there to talk about." He asked a question, but said it like a statement.

"Please, I need to talk to you." I walked over to him and uncovered the blanket. He was rolled up, hugging his knees and cringed at the light. I knew he wanted to talk about us, but he was embarrassed right now. I tried to make him feel comfortable.

I sat on the uncovered bed and spoke.

"Dan, we need to talk. we can't just forget about today."

He looked angry. He didn't want to remember.

"Dan pl-" he cut me off.

"But I want to forget, ok?!" He sat up. His face was stained with dried tears.

"I want to forget all the embarrassment I caused you and Phil. I want it to be Wednesday, before all this crap happened!" He stared me dead in the eye. I knew I had to leave.

"I'm sorry." I knew he felt this way. Something inside me said no, he cares about you. But I couldn't believe it. That "it" was Phil. I ran out of the room and headed straight to the front door.

Phil came out of his room as I started to sprint out.

"What happened?!" He yelled. But I didn't answer. I just ran out the door, crying. The door slammed behind me and I ran down the stairs and to my door. I left so quickly, I didn't bring my keys or phone, so I just sat. Sat, and cried.

Maybe I would die here. Dan may not have thought of me as close as Phil did. Who could blame him, it had been a little more than a day. I just needed someone right now. This was one of the only negatives of having no physical friends. I would be alone.

I'm too fragile. Maybe he didn't yell. Maybe I just thought it up. Made it more dramatic than it really was. God, I'm such a screw up. I shouldn't blame anybody but myself.

The lights in the hall flickered as they did on my floor, I tried to list as many positive things that had happened. But with positives, come negatives.
Positive: I met my favorite people
Negative: Dan hates me.
Positive:
I tried to think of another, but it was all negative.
I left my things with them, so I'll have to get them tomorrow.
I mad Dan embarrassed.
I'm heartless.
I hate my life.
I hate me.
I really, really hoped Dan would come and see me and be kind and hug me. Of course, this wasn't a film. It's reality. After a week, they will have forgotten me. I will be a memory.

I felt deep. As if I was a character in a book pouring out my feelings to the reader.
I just really, really want to disappear from life.

I wasn't right for Dan. If we were going to argue like a divorced couple. Than that is probably going to happen.

I payed on the fuzzy welcome mat at my door and tried to fall a s l e e p.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE***
Hi, sorry this was Alyssa's thoughts for half of it. I just didn't know what to add, but it didn't want it to end so quickly. I'll try to make it different next time it's a short chapter.
~Aly ☺️