Life's short write it down

I remeber

I get myself all worked up over nothing. I told the guy I love stupid things I mean they weren't stupid they were lies. No not even lies just not the whole truth. The whole truth of how I felt I told him that I still liked him even though I knew he was over me. But he asked me why did I say all these things and I said because it would make me feel better. FEEL BETTER? that was complete bullshit I wanted to really say. I wanted to say that I had this part of me that was hoping he would forgive me and love me again I was hopeful that he would still love me. But another part of my wanted him to yell at me . I wanted him to get angry because I was angry and I couldn't take that pain. But I'm young. I don't know what love is right? Well yes and no I do know what it is to have a crush a crush lasts maybe a few days or even weeks never lasting long. But loving someone is so different I've never felt like it before it feels like your drawn over towards the person. You would do anything for them to be happy even if it's not with you. You pretend to be happy just so they don't worry. They are always on your mind even though you know it will never work because, love is not real it never was its not like the movies it hurts and it's raw feeling. It's not easy you have to work for it but sometimes even if you work hard for it. It just doesn't work and all of that hard work was for nothing.