THE SAME

Chapter nine

"Nayla... what?"

God, I just want to reverse time.

I haven't felt this hot and clammy in a while. My body feels like it's overheating and I just... feel like an idiot. I'm terrified. I just sat there staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth like... I don't know what to do. 

I haven't ever told someone I might be interested in them.

Shit went bad real quick.

"Nayla it's okay," he said reaching for my hand with a bashful smile, "I'm just surprised."

"You should just say no," I blurted out.

Girl can he think?

"Nay-"

"I already feel like an idiot, I'd hate for it to be worse and for you to pity me."

Why do I feel like I'm going to cry? I just feel pathetic.

"Nayla stop," he softly said, "I'm not going to reject you."

Wait, you're not? I'd reject myself after the clownery of these past days.

It's good to not be outright rejected but, I still feel so anxious. I feel like I just want to run and it makes me feel so freaking childish.

"Why didn't you tell me you liked me?"

"I don't know. I just talked to Sam-"

"So Samirah put you up to this?"

I don't understand why that is triggering. There's something about making this moment about what Samirah might think or her opinion that just brings me to a dark space. Like every guy always being about Samirah.

"This isn't about Samirah," I exclaimed almost in tears, "it's about me telling you about my feelings. And I feel stupid for doing it already."

"I'm sorry babe," he said pulling me into his arms and rubbing my back, "I didn't mean it like that. You don't have to feel stupid because... I like you too. I just want it to be you liking me and not someone getting in your head."

He likes me?

"You like me?"

"Yeah from the moment you called out your first old lady in a supermarket," he chuckled squeezing me a bit tighter, "it was comforting had someone was standing up for me."

Bitch can I get a manager? Helloooooo! Gimme a motherfucking manager bitch!

"So why didn't you tell me Chai? You could have saved me the embarrassment," I said burying myself more on his t-shirt.

I just felt my checks go really warm. Beyond warm, my whole body felt like an inferno. And I just felt embarrassed beyond reason. I just thought confessing wouldn't be such a role coaster. I thought I had my emotions in check but today, I just don't know about nothing. 

I just felt crazy.

"It was funny to tease you. I would've dragged it more but, you looked like you were going to cry."

"You're awful, I don't like you anymore," I whined still hugging him.

There's something so warm about him. Like soo soothing. 

Do all doctor hugs feel like this?

"You don't like me," he asked  pulling me back with that boyish smile, "say it looking at me."

And he got closer and closer and I felt like my heart was coming out of my chest. For the hundredth time that single day.

And he kissed me.

I'm with whatever. I'm with everything. Like I'm with it all. What you wanna do? I'm a slut. Wassup? Get me lit, I dare you.

I just felt like at that moment, he could step on me and I'd say thank you.