Like the title says this book is basically essays about some thoughts and there's also some fun weird stuff to kinda lighten it all up
These are more serious, well some serious parts of me, it's really just bits about me, my opinions on certain subj...
I've not really been in a good place for a couple of days now and I kinda felt like writing this since writing makes me feel better a lot of the time. I feel like this'll probably be P.2 of My fall from Islam and a year I never want to repeat.
I'm just going to be rambling on a little about how I feel for this chapter so yeah.
I'm trying not to let all this bring me down, but honestly it's on my mind nearly all the time and it's starting to affect my everyday life. I was cleaning out my clothes drawer a couple of days ago and I made the huge mistake of opening and reading my diary from last year. The first sentence I read was literally something my ex James said to me to cheer me up and it made me so happy at the time, but now I'm feeling so sad that nothing worked.
I flipped back a bit and began reading all the stuff I wrote about my other ex Jay and I started feeling so bad again. To add a bit more insult to injury my YouTube auto play decided to play a storytime from Wolfichu about how she met her boyfriend. At first I wasn't really paying attention, but after I heard her say that she was in Europe and he was in Australia I sat up and started really listening. By the end I felt like such shit that it worked out for them so beautifully and I managed to fuck everything up with both my relationships.
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I know it wasn't my fault and that it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway, but a little part of me wondered if I made the right decision last year. I mean me and James were so alike and we did love each other, but what if we where just being overdramatic little bitches that were too emotionally traumatized to understand what love really is.
I just can't stop thinking about James and it really hurts. I thought I was over him, I finally forgot his number! But then it all came flooding back.
I know deep down that I did make the right decision, but it's so hard because you never forget a love like that. I honestly feel like that was true love. I know we never met in real life, but does that even matter if you already have such an emotional connection with someone?
Ya'll might say I'm stupid for calling a guy I never met my Boyfriend, but in my eyes you just need to have a strong emotional connection with someone to decide if you want to lable it.
I don't know. I think I just needed to write about it for a bit to express my feelings and stuff. I might delete it later. Anyway thank you for reading me moan about my ex's.... again. You deserve better content if I'm being honest.
