Sanctuary

Chapter Seventeen

The heavy thud of the door slamming shut reverberated through Daegel's head, bouncing off his skull as though it were hollow. He certainly felt like it was.

No real thoughts crossed the vampire's mind as he stalked down empty streets. Cahya's words echoed in Daegel's ears, scathing in their accuracy. The horrified faces of Raven and Onyx watching him leave, as though the centuries of them sticking together through thick and thin meant nothing. But worst of all, Jake. Confusion in his mate's voice, wondering why being turned was such a bad thing. Weakness already obvious in the feeble grip Jake had had on his hand in an attempt to reassure him. And the hurt, scared expression on Jake's face as Daegel had walked out, leaving his mate alone when it mattered most.

Even the drunken clubbers sensed that steering clear of Daegel would be in their best interests, leaving him to his thoughts. Humans had always had the knack of sensing danger, avoiding situations they did not want any part in. In a movie, this was the time for a wise old person to appear and give insight or advice to change his perspective, making him realise the best course of action. But no such person showed their face.

Why had it been up to him to play God? Had the fates left their places for a lunch break? Most would sell their souls for the chance to give their loved ones another chance to live, but Daegel knew what it meant to have your humanity stolen. Even now, did Jake lie there cursing him? Did those loving brown eyes harden with hate at the thought of Daegel, the monster who turned him?

Now Jake was forced to be a creature of the night, never again to see the sun or the life it brought with it. Daegel knew Jake had been conflicted about killing for food, but because of him, that was now a necessity. Threats from other beings and hiding from humans would be an issue Jake would be faced with constantly. Living for centuries, eons even, not wanting attachments to any mortal creatures for fear of losing them one day. All things Jake had been burdened with, because of Daegel.

What had he done? Daegel clenched his fists in the pockets of the black skinny jeans he wore. Just like that, he had thrown away everything in the world that mattered. Would the pack allow him back, should he return? Would Jake want to see him? What if it was too late, and Daegel had destroyed the only light in his life? In the coming days, would Daegel feel the supposedly unbearable agony of losing his mate? It had only been an hour or so, but Daegel already felt like whatever he had for a soul had been ripped out and ground to dust.

Coming across an empty alley, it was all Daegel could do to lean against a wall as his legs gave out beneath him. Back pressed against the wall, seemingly his only stability, sobs wracked Daegel's body and tore his heart to pieces.

What - or who - he was crying for even Daegel himself was uncertain. Jake? The mate he all but abandoned and left to die at the moment Jake needed him the most. Onyx, Cahya, and Raven? The pack which had been a family so long, now being torn apart by his weakness. Himself? Devastated by the actions he had been driven to take, and disgusted with himself for being unable to deal with the consequences.

Perhaps it was a mix of all of them. Only now did Daegel understand what it meant to truly hate himself. How could he just walk out like that? How dare he? Had he really just torn a hole in the hearts of his pack, and left his mate to suffer alone because he was too much of a coward to face reality? Daegel had spent much of his eternal life trying to bury the hatred he held for others in life, knowing how hard it was to move on. Yet now he felt as though that burning hatred was a mere candle, compared to a raging inferno consuming his soul. Was he truly so weak and selfish as to crumble and flee when his pack was suffering just the same?

As he sat there in a filthy alley, tears still running down his face, Jake was suffering. In essence, his entire system was being obliterated and pieced back together, a painful process which had only just begun. The pack would try to help in any way they could, but nothing would really be of any use. All they could do is watch as Jake's body destroyed itself, while the only being able to do anything was sitting in an alley doing jack shit.