it's always you

Chapter 15

It's so hard for me to let her cry alone, napaka tanga ko para iwan ang kaibigan ko, ang babaeng mahal ko. Buong buhay ko gusto ko lang siyang protektahan, alam kong una palang may mali na sa nararamdaman ko kaya niligawan ko kaagad si klaire dahil natakot akong lumalim pa kung ano man 'tong nararamdaman ko para kay sol.

"Klaire calm down! I already told you that this is the last right? just calm down ok? It's not healthy for the baby." I'm doing my best to make her calm even I'm really disappointed and hurt right now.

Klaire doesn't want sol to be around 'cause she know what I really feel, wala ng pamilya si klaire kaya ako nalang ang inaasahan niya, naaawa ako sa kanya kaya hindi ko siya maiwan.

When klaire saw us kissing a while ago we talked and she confessed something.

"I'm pregnant dom." She said while crying

"What? How? We're not still doing it yet." Pagtataka kong sagot sa kanya dahil wala pa talagang nangyayare sa amin.

"I got pregnant by my friend, nilasing nila ako dom! I'm sorry please dom don't leave me I can't raise this kid alone I don't want to abort this kid dahil alam kong mali rin yon." Iyak sya ng iyak at hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Bigla na lamang siyang may inabot na brown envelope sa akin.

"What's this?" malamya kong tanong sa kanya

"Open it." When I opened the envelope lalo lang akong naguluhan.

"I have a breast cancer dom stage 3" when I heard that I don't want to believe it but here's the evidence I'm holding it now.

After what happened I made up my mind, Klaire needs me and I know what's the consequences already. Maybe I can lost my friends for doing this and I can lost sol forever.

Nagulat ako ng sumigaw si sol para pigilan akong umalis dumaan lang naman ako para batiin si kyle pero hindi ko alam na makikita niya pa ako. I really want to go dahil baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko I already promised to myself that I will let her go.

"It's been a while." Yan lamang ang mga salitang nakayang ilabas ng bibig ko

"Yan lang sasabihin mo?"

"Look Sol, I really need to go si klaire..." hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin ko dahil nagsalita agad sya

"Si klaire?! Puro nalang si klaire tangina dom! Binasura mo yung pagkakaibigan natin dahil diyan sa syota mo?! Nakaya mo yon?!"

"I'm sorry sol but I can't tell it to you hindi mo ako maiintindihan."

"Edi ipa intindi mo! Dahil ba sakin? Dahil ba gusto kita kaya ka lumalayo? Wag kang mag-alala malapit na ako umalis dom balikan mo lang yung barkada, kahit sila lang kahit wag na ako dom please."

"It's not about you sol, It's not about what you feel, wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo ok? It's my decision to go away and if you're all mad at me I understand 'cause I deserve it."

"I don't know what to do anymore, I just want to forget my feelings for you pero bakit ang hirap? Do I deserve to be hurt like this? Ano ba nagawa ko para masaktan ako ng ganito? Minahal lang naman kita dom pero bakit ganito yung binalik mo sakin? Bakit sobrang sakit? Hindi ko na alam kung paano ulit ako babangon dahil buong buhay ko nandiyan ka, buong buhay ko kasama kita pero bakit mas pinili mong iwan nalang ako basta basta?."

"I'm sorry sol ito lang ang tangi kong magagawa sa ngayon ang mag sorry dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ko maaalis yang sakit na nararamdan mo, You're still my bestfriend and I wish I'm still yours, don't waste your time for liking an asshole like me live your life and be happy my sun, I'm sorry I need to go."

Sumakay na kaagad ako sa kotse ko para umalis at para maitago ang mga luhang gusto ng pumatak kanina pa. I'm sorry my Sol, I don't want you to cry like that just for an asshole and selfish like me, if only you knew but I can't tell it to you 'cause klaire doesn't want too.

"what a wonderful view" it was her caption on her ig story with a man on the photo, I'm always stalking her by using my dummy account so she can't recognize me.

She's always with that man, is that her boyfriend?

Nanggigilait ako sa galit kapag naiisip ko na may boyfriend na sya pero ano nga bang karapatan ko para mangealam sa buhay niya? Eh ako nga pala itong umiwas sa kanila.

Ice send me an invitation for his birthday, he said that I need to come 'cause they want to see me. Matagal din akong hindi nagpakita sa mga gagong 'to

"ddda-da a-re you g-o-ing somewhere?" utal na tanong sakin ni melody, she's a five years old baby girl

"yes baby don't wait na for dada ha? Baka gabihin ako eh, go to your mom na." I said to her.

Me and klaire agreed that I'm just staying to look after melody and to look for her narin kahit nakakaya pa naman niya ayaw niya kasing naaawa ako sa kanya. My feelings for her doesn't grow anymore I'm just doing this to help her I don't know why am I doing this but it's just that I feel that I need to do this.

"Watch your steps." Nakita ko ang gulat sa mukha niya ng masalo ko ang braso niya dahil muntikan na siyang matapilok.

"Thanks." Tipid niyang sagot at agad na akong tinalikuran

""What is it again klaire?" balik ko sa cellphone ko dahil kausap ko si klaire

Nang makita ko siyang bumaba mula sa sasakyan ni kio ay hindi ko kaagad napigilan ang selos ko, parang tinutusok ng karayom ang puso ko.

I know that she's with him for how many years and I can't do anything about that. Hindi ko rin mapipigilan si sol kung sakaling nahulog na siya sa lalaking iyon.

Even it will hurt me big time, I'll still support her, I'm gonna support her always and I don't want anything for her but to be happy.

"wtf babe! Don't be so loud!" saway ko kay sol habang pinapakawalan ang mga ngiti ko dahil sobrang ingay niya.

"Ah!" I push myself to her harder this time

"I told you, you'll gonna regret it." Bulong ko sa kanya

"Maybe you're wrong, kung ganito lang din ang parusa, araw-araw na kitang aasarin."

Don't do this to me sol, baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na buntisin ka para lang hindi ka na maagaw ng iba.

"You crazy girl, stop the nonsense."

"sorry, hindi ko naman alam na iyon pala ang rason mo kaya ka umiwas sa amin."

"Don't be, it's my decision after all."

"Ok lang ba si klaire?"

"Pinipilit niya maging ok pero stage 5 na eh malakas pa naman siya pero napapadalas na yung pagdaing niya ng kung ano-anong masakit 'tsaka madalas na rin sumpungin."

"Can we visit her?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I know that our friends would love it too. And also I want to meet melody."

"Ok if that's what you want, I'll ask her first."

Kakausapin ko na muna si klaire if it's ok with her na bumisita ang barkada sa kanya, ayaw niya kasi na kinakaawaan siya.

Ng lilingunin ko na sana si sol ay nakita ko na mahimbing na siyang natutulog.

You're so lovely my love, now that I'am here with you hindi na ako papayag na malayo pa tayo sa isa't isa, we'll gonna make our future together, Hinding hindi na ako mawawala sayo and I wish that you can also stay with me no matter what happens, let's promise 'cause I don't know what to do anymore kung sakaling malayo nanaman tayo sa isa't isa.

"I love you." Then I kissed her at her forehead.