She Hated Him! Nah, She Didn't: A Jily Fan-Fiction

Part Nine - Feelings

I wake up and the memories of last night come rushing in. 

Snape attacking me, James comforting me, us talking, and our kiss. Shit shit shit. I kissed him! Oh no. Ugh! 

Today's going to be so awkward. I shower and get dressed really quickly, avoiding James at all costs. I'm about to leave the common room for breakfast when James gets out of the bathroom. The butterflies are back in my stomach. I look right at him and he looks like he's about to say something, but I leave quickly. Ugh, why does this have to be so awkward? Why do I have to be so awkward?

I run down the stairs to the Great Hall and eat my food really quickly. "Are you ok?" Marls asks, concerned. I nod and rush to the library. I really don't want to talk to my friends at the moment. I open my book and pray that none of my friends walk in. 

At nine, I hurry to Herbology and take a spot in the back with Alice. I know she won't press as to what's bothering me. Professor Sprout talks to us about our N.E.W.T.S just like all the other teachers and tells us the things we'll be learning. We have a double period so after Professor Sprout is done talking, everyone else just talks and I read.

After a long time, Professor Sprout dismisses us for lunch. I sit between Marls and Remus today and James chooses to sit directly in front of me. I'm eating my lunch and reading my book when James tosses me a piece of paper. I open it up, confused. It says, "Are you ok? Is this about what happened yesterday between us?" I take out my quill and write back, "I'm ok. I don't really want to talk right now." I toss back the note and watch him from the corner of my eye the butterflies still flying around. He looks slightly disappointed with my response, but then starts a conversation with Sirius. 

I go back to reading and eating for a while, but then it's time for our next class. I take off immediately towards our History of Magic double period and Marls catches up to me. "Are you ok?" She asks, linking her arm through mine. "I'm fine." I say. "You've been really quiet today." She says worriedly. "I know." 

In reality I'm just really confused. My feelings are all over the place now. I mean it's James. James Potter. The boy who made your life hell all these years with his endless pranking and teasing. But has he really changed? He hasn't hexed or pranked anyone. He's Head Boy now. He hasn't asked me out yet. I wish these butterflies would just die right now. 

"Are you sure? You can tell me." Marls says, bringing me away from my thoughts of James. "I will, but I'm not ready to talk just yet." I say with a sigh. "Ok, whenever you're ready." She responds as we walk into class. 

History of Magic goes by really slowly. Slower than usual. And it doesn't help that we have a double period. I pay attention as best as I can and Professor Binns assigns an essay due next week. Finally it's the end of class and I head immediately to the common room. 

I don't think James will be there. He's probably in the library or in the Gryffindor common room. "Quidditch pitch" I say and the portrait swings open. 

I take a seat by the fireplace and decide to get started on my essay. I'm sure I'll get more homework and it's better to get started now when I have the time. Just when I pull out my parchment and lay it on the table, I hear voices coming from James' room.

"She kissed you?!" I hear Sirius yell in surprise. Shit! They all know! Oh no. Why would he tell them?! I debate getting up and going to listen. I want to know what they are saying but I kind of don't at the same time. 

My curiosity takes over and in the end I decide to stand at the base of the stairs and listen. "Yeah. I think she kind of regrets it though. She hasn't spoken to me at all today." James says, sounding worried. "She did seem rather quiet." Peter says thoughtfully. "Are you going to tell her?" Sirius asks. "I don't know. I don't think she'll feel the same." I can't bear anymore of this. 

I grab my stuff and go to my room. The essay can wait. I haven't even had dinner, but I really feel like sleeping. I can't though. I know I'll regret it. 

I read in bed for a while and at six, I sneak out of the dorm and go downstairs for dinner. Only Mary and Alice are there thankfully. They eye me suspiciously, but don't ask any questions. Without James and the marauders here, I feel more at ease. The three of us talk for a bit and then walk upstairs together. I break off from them and walk to the Heads room. 

"Quid-" "Oh hi!" James says as he opens the portrait, a little smile on his face. "Hi." I say awkwardly. "Um, can we talk?" I ask and we walk inside together and stand near the fireplace. 

I take a deep breath and say, "First of all, I saw you and that girl in the kitchens the other day." "Yeah that was Amy." He says awkwardly and looks away, slightly pink in the face. "Does that bother you?" He asks, one eyebrow raised and a hint of a smile on his face. I shrug but the look on my face gives it away. "Well, that was just a one time thing. I don't really like her anyway." I shrug this off like it's no big deal but my mind is telling me otherwise. Why? 

I take another deep breath and keep going, "Second, I'm really sorry about last night. I don't know why I did it. I'm sorry. We can just forget about it if you want." I say awkwardly, looking away. 

He raises his eyebrows and grins a little, to my surprise. "Is that what you want?" He asks me and I shrug and look away. I don't know what I want at all. "It's not what I want." He looks straight at me and cups my face in his hands. He plants his lips firmly on mine and I freeze in surprise for a moment. James pulls away for a second. "Is this okay?" He asks softly. I nod slightly, feeling my face burning up. For the second time in the last two days, I find myself kissing James Potter. He gently lowers his hands to my waist and keeps his lips on mine. After what feels like hours we break away. "I've been wanting to do that for a really long time." He grins at me and I look up into his hazel eyes. Why am I noticing his eyes? And his dimple and his arms and his smile and everything else about him? 

Oh my Merlin... I have feelings for James Potter.