Mattia's perspective.
---------------------
MATTIA
M: Kairi?
K: yeah?
M: I thought you were asleep.
K: no
Silence.
K: Mattia?
M: yeah?
Silence.
K: can I tell you something?
M: yeah
Silence.
K: I'm depressed.
Silence.
M: oh.
K: I'm sorry.
M: for what?
Silence.
K: I don't know.
M: depressed?
K: I want to die. All the time.
M: oh.
K: yeah.
Silence.
In that moment, Mattia wished that Kairi hadn't said anything. He wished that he had fallen asleep so they wouldn't have had that conversation. The silence was overwhelming.
You'd think that Mattia would want to be a supportive friend. To help Kairi to overcome his depression, but you'd be wrong. Mattia was sixteen at the time. He was a scared sixteen year old who had no idea what to do or how to help. He didn't want to know about Kairi's depression because he wanted Kairi to remain his usual happy self. And so. That night on face time; with both their phones facing the ceiling. Mattia did what any scared sixteen year old boy would do. He ingnored the problem.
K: Mattia?
M: yeah?
Silence.
K: I'm gonna go.
M: ok.
K: Mattia?
M: what.
Silence.
K: are you ok?
M: y-yeah I'm fine. I just. I'm gonna sit with Robert today. Ok?
Silence.
K: oh. Oh yeah. No problem. I'm not really hungry anyway so I'll just go to the library or something.
M: right. Yeah ok.
Silence.
Mattia left without daring to look back. Leaving Kairi standing alone in the middle of the cafeteria.
Why was Mattia distancing himself from Kairi? He didn't know. He just never knew what to do or what to say. Or how to act around the sad boy. He wasn't planning on dropping him or anything. But he was only sixteen. Just a kid.
K: Mattia?
M: yes Kairi?
K: so uhh. You can't even call me Kai anymore?
Silence.
M: sorry.
Silence.
K: do you wanna maybe come over? We could play fifa or something?
Silence.
M: I can't today Kairi. I have a-a family event.
Silence.
K: ok.
And Mattia left again. Leaving Kairi standing in the hallway.
Why did he lie? He didn't have a family event. He was going to Alejandro's house. Why didn't he invite Kairi to come with him? He couldn't answer any of these questions. He didn't know. He was just a scared sixteen year old.
K: Mattia?
M: yeah?
K: I'm sorry.
Silence.
M: for what?
Silence.
K: I don't know.
Silence.
K: I'm sorry we never hang out anymore. I'm sorry I ruined our friendship. I'm sorry I'm depressed. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not being there. I'm sorry for letting you down.
Silence.
And then he hung up.
Mattia let him hang up. He didn't call back. He didn't tell Kairi he was wrong; that it wasn't his fault. He didn't even try. He didn't know how. He just let him go.
Silence.
M: Kairi?
Silence.
M: I'm sorry.
Silence.
It had been two weeks since he was gone.
Two weeks since that night that Kairi had called to apologize to Mattia.
Only a month since Kairi had told Mattia about his depression.
Six days since Mattia had read the note that Kairi had addressed to him before he swallowed the medication.
One day since Mattia had decided to visit Kairi's grave.
Ten seconds since he had finally apologized to the boy.
It was the end of Kairi's life. But it was just the beginning of Mattia's regret and sadness.
The silence was devastating, overwhelming, crushing. The silence seemed incredibly loud.
Because he was only sixteen. Just a scared, sixteen year old. He didn't know any better.......
M: I'm sorry.
