Do you have any idea what it's like to go completely un-noticed by the boy you absolutely adore?
Kairi does..........
December 13, 2019
K: hey Mattia.
M: what's up Kai?
K: nothing.
M: you sure, you seem kinda off?
Kairi snapped out of his thoughts, smiling up at the tall boy.
K: nah. I'm good.
M: ok.
Mattia placed his hand on Kairi's shoulder in a comforting way. His grip lasting just a little too long for it to be friendly and not romantic. At least that's how it was in Kairi's mind.
But not in Mattia's mind. In Mattia's mind, he and Kairi were nothing but besties.
January 7, 2020
K: fuck it's freezing.
Kairi shivered again as he wrapped his hands around himself, trying to warm himself up.
M: here.
Kairi watched as Mattia took his sweater off, instantly pulling it over Kairi's head.
M: arms up shorty
Kairi did as he was told, instantly inhaling Mattia's cologne as he was engulfed in the warm sweater.
K: I'm not that short, you're just too tall.
Kairi giggled slightly.
K: thank you Mattia.
M: of course baby.
Kairi stiffened at those words. Those were the words that he desperately wanted Mattia to call him. But deep down he knew that Mattia didn't see him like that.
M: you still cold?
K: huh?-oh no. I'm good now thanks.
Mattia's smile faltered slightly but he shrugged off Kairi's weird mood and the two continued walking.
February 22, 2020
M: Kai are you ok? You've seemed weird lately?
K: uh. Oh yeah. I'm good.
M: are you sure?
Kairi desperately wanted to just confess everything to Mattia but he couldn't.
K: I'm good Mattia.
Mattia stopped him, placing both his hands on Kairi's shoulders and forcing him to face the taller boy.
M: you're not though.
Kairi's breath hitched from the small contact between the two of them.
K: i'm fine
Kairi's voice was barely above a whisper this time as he felt the familiar tears in his eyes.
M: just tell me Kairi. Please.
Kairi couldn't tell him, but he could show him. Without thinking too much, Kairi reached up and cupped Mattia's face. He leaned in and kissed Mattia's warm, soft lips. Kairi expected Mattia to pull away in disgust but he didn't. Instead, Mattia pulled him closer, his hands falling to Kairi's waist and he kissed him back. The kiss was long and sweet, not too much, just enough. Kairi reluctantly pulled away when he ran out of air, looking up to Mattia's eyes.
K: no. I'm not ok.
Mattia was shocked into silence. He had just kissed his best friend; he didn't even know that Kairi liked boys.
M: I-
K: it's ok.
Kairi pulled himself out of Mattia's grasp and quickly walked away, wiping his tears as he left Mattia in the hallway. Mattia let him go.
March 11, 2020
Kairi ducked into the washroom, hoping that Mattia didn't see him. He stood by the sink, waiting for the bell. He'd rather take a late slip than interact with Mattia after their last interaction.
M: Kairi?
Of course, Kairi had the worst luck on the planet and Mattia had watched him run into the bathroom. Kairi already felt the tears in his eyes as he stared at Mattia.
M: I-
K: I'm sorry
M: for what?
K: kissing you.
M: oh, right.
The two boys stared at each other for a few seconds before Kairi pushed past the taller, running out into the hallway.
April 3, 2020
K: Mattia?
M: oh, hey Kai.
K: how you been?
M: so you're just going to pretend it never happened.
K: well i was going to but clearly you wanna bring it up.
M: well how am i supposed to not bring it up Kai?
K: yo-
M: -you kissed me. you kissed me when you knew I was straight. You know that I don't like you like that but you kissed me. That's on you Kairi, not me.
Mattia sat back in his chair, giving Kairi a harsh look. Kairi felt the tears in his eyes once again as he stood up to leave.
M: look, I'm sorry Kairi I-
Kairi shook his head before jogging out of the cafeteria.
He didn't ask to fall in love with Mattia, but here he was. In love with the one person he couldn't have.
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^trash, absolute trash.
i'm posting old drafts at this point because i have no motivation but i feel like i should post something.
