Silent Memories (Emery Scott)

Chapter Twelve:

Emery Scott~

I felt a different kind of numbness, being told I was a mistake hurt in a way I wasn't familiar with. It was like there was something wrong with me, was the kiss bad? Am I not pretty enough for Axel? Of course, I'm not pretty enough, he can get anyone I was stupid to believe that he would want me. It's all a game, use and toss me aside.... I am just lucky it was only a kiss.

I felt like I was, I don't know what I felt like. I keep scolding myself for over reacting it's not like we were anything serious, I had only known the boy for a little over a month. It angered me that my dad was right, I instantly despite everything my parents went through sought out someone exactly like my dad. I told myself over and over again that I wasn't going to spend my college days obsessing over a boy, that it was more to me than this. Yet, here I am laying curled in a ball not wanting to move from my dorm bed.

"Emmy" Claire called scooting closer to me on my bed, I felt her warm hand stroke my hair as the end of my bed sunk as Vera and Romy joined us.

"Tell us what's wrong" Vera begged as she squeezed my fluffy socks. Part of me wanted to tell them everything, about the night, about Axel but I wasn't ready to talk about the night with anyone besides him so instead I told them some of the truth.

"He rejected me" I whispered wiping a single tear that fell from my face.

"Who rejected you Emery" Romy asked sympathetically.

"Axel" I sniffled.

"Oh Emmy" Claire said quietly pulling me into a tight embrace the rest of the girls scooted over joining in.

"He made the move on me, he pursued me. I was confused, he was so on and off I should have known better, instead I fall for it, I fall for his act and we kiss" Vera cut me off.

"Wait, you kissed? When? How many times?" Claire cut Vera off with some more questions.

"Was it nice? Was he a good kisser? He is just so nice to look at I can't believe you got to kiss that, is it wrong I'm jealous over that?" She whined pouting.

"A few times, all in one night. We met at the party a few weeks back and he infuriated me but there was something about him that intrigued me and I found myself wanting to know more about him, and then he embarrassed me at the party by calling me out and my opinion changed I thought he was an absolute dick, then he showed me this playful flirty side of him and then this compassionate side and it was like a drug I was hooked, but then he changed and ignored me as if I didn't exists for weeks, the next thing I know at the bar he asked me to tell him I didn't want him, so that he could leave me alone... that's when you guys turned up and I did, I said we was done but I found myself searching for him the other night. We went to this beautiful place and we kissed, I felt something I can't explain it, I needed more. And then"

"Then" Romy exclaims faking you faint earning a chuckle from us all.

"Then he tells me this is a mistake and that Jamie was interested in me, I don't want Jamie, No I can't say that because I don't know what I want it's like Axel has invaded my mind with his ocean blue eyes, his perfect hair, just him... he's perfect and it hurts and I told myself I didn't come here for this, my parents relationship was so toxic when in college my dad almost destroyed my mum and Axel he looks everything like the person my dad used to be.. like it's wrong I've sought out someone I have been drilled to stay away from my entire life and now I feel so worthless, I feel like I'm dirty that I'm not good enough for Axel" I croaked pulling my knees to my chest as I rest my head on them.