Silent Memories (Emery Scott)

Chapter Thirty:

Axel Grey~

Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.

That is all I could possibly feel. The feeling was consuming me and I couldn't fight it, I should have stayed away I should have never perused this despite my every cell in my body begging me not to I had to do it.

It made me feel sick to my stomach that if she ever found out what I did then she would never forgive me.

I couldn't lose her.

If I lose her then I am nothing, she gave me a purpose.

She saved my fucking life.

I frustratedly run my hands through my hair as I sat on my bed my knees shaking.

This is all my fucking fault.

Every single thing she's gone through since she's been here is because she met me.

I needed to drink, I needed to forget everything I needed to just numb the pain for a little while but I couldn't. I couldn't numb the pain. Nothing would numb the pain. Nothing is going to fix this.

"Fuck" I shouted as I threw a glass at the wall. I can't have this feeling again. I can't live with the guilt anymore but I couldn't cope with the pain I would put everyone through if I did it again.

I could feel myself losing control, panic overcoming me as my breathing rapid and uncontrollable. I needed to see her I know I shouldn't want this I know I should just set her free and let her find happiness with someone who could be the person she needs but I'm selfish. I need her.

I grabbed my keys from my chest of drawers and made my way out of the frat house. I tried to talk myself out of seeing her I tried but she had me under her spell from the minute I met her.

The drive was never ending and I only lived a short drive from her dorm. I didn't know what I was going to do when I saw her but I just needed to have her tiny arms around me I needed the smell of her sweet perfume to cloud my senses and I needed the taste of her lips upon mine.

Once I pulled up I found myself walking at a fast pace to the dorms I pushed the door back and made my way through the corridor until I stood at her door.

I brought my hand up to knock but the door was already ajar. "Emery?" I questioned as I pushed it forward only to be met with a half empty room.

Her stuff no longer laid upon the shelves. Her pictures removed from the walls, her bed striped bare. It was as if every trace of her had disappeared and I felt like I was stabbed in the chest.

No.

No.

No.

She wouldn't leave. She wouldn't? I know we fought but it wasn't enough for her to leave and not say anything.

I pulled my phone as sat and slid down the wall as I dialled her number.

It rang.

And rang.

And rang.