Silent Memories (Emery Scott)

Chapter Twenty Three:

Emery Scott~

Once again I found myself struggling to breath. I felt like my world was crumbling beneath my feet, that no matter what I was never going to get past this. I felt like things are never going to get better that I am always going to be looking over my shoulder.

I can't do this, I can't live like this.

I can't breath.

I can't breath.

I can't do this anymore. I can't. My breathing was rapid and harsh, my hands were clammy and my chest? My chest felt like I was drowning, my lungs rapidly filling with imaginary water.

I found myself rushing to the toilet in IKEA forcibly slamming the door shut, letting the cold water run as I slapped the water against my burning face. Shake out of it Emery shake out of it I begged as I tried to calm myself down.

Its not real, it's someone fucking with you. This isn't real.

How do you know it isn't real? The only person that knows is Axel

My subconscious was fighting to break though, fighting to convince me that it was real but it couldn't be there is no way this was real.

Anxiety was suffocating, I felt like I wasn't going to be able to calm myself down but eventually I did, my breathing returned to a slower rhythm and my chest no longer felt like it was swimming in water.

I stared at the girl before me, the broken pathetic sad girl. Just as things were looking up and I was finally moving past some things it comes back and it comes back hard and the only person I want to talk to is the one person I can't.

Axel.

He's the only one who knows how this has made me feel, he's the only one who can make me feel safe. It's pathetic I am pathetic. Dependent on a boy who wants me one minute and then doesn't the next, I feel safe with someone who treats me like utter shit.

I don't even know Axel, not fully. The little I do know should scream alarm bells, why doesn't it? Why does it leave me wanting to know him more? Why does the mysterious troubled blue eye boy play on repeat in my mind like a broken record.

I have shed more tears since he has been in my life that I have in my whole 18 years of living.

Axel makes me question my decisions. He leaves me confused. One minute he's telling me he wants me, the next he wants nothing to do with me, then he creeps back in telling me he can't bear to not be around me, then he goes silent and then? Then he repeats the cycle all over again.

But despite all of that despite he's the only person I want to comfort me, to love me.

I need him.

I pull my phone from my pocket and glance at the screen unlocking it with my face, I select his contact and hover my finger across the screen.

I shouldn't do this.

You need this.

No it's a mistake, I can get through this without him. I don't need him.

You do.

I don't.

My subconscious wins and my finger reaches the call button. I shakily bring my phone to ear listening to it ring.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

But he doesn't answer.