Time After Time || Chris Cornell

23. I Just Want You

Seattle Washington, April 5 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Feeling the soft dark grey shaggy throw rug against my bare skin, I lift myself up to a seated position and try to gather myself together to stop the uncontrollable sobbing as I realize just what had taken place. I must be back in Kim's bedroom even though I was in the bathroom when I slipped. I guess my brain thought this was close enough to returning to the bathroom as I could get.

Susan? He was with Susan?

"Andi? You in here?" I hear Chris's voice from outside the room as the commotion of our house warming party downstairs resonates through the walls. He opens the door startling me, his tall frame shadowed by the dimly lit hallway, his curls all around him and well passed his shoulders.  The only thing shining is the necklace that had the ring that Andy had given him before he passed. I quickly cross my arms over my bare chest, trying to use my curls to help. 

"Shit, baby... are you ok? What happened? Did you time - " He says as he quickly rushes over to me crouching down but I cut him off.

"Get away from me!" I exclaim, pushing his chest as he attempts to console me. Bewildered with my reaction to him, he falls back on his hands catching himself.

"Andi wha- "

"No. Don't even try to make me feel better. Just get the hell away from me!" I shout through my tears, half sobbing still.

"Andi what the hell - ?"

"Just get out of here!" I cry.

"No, I'm not getting the hell outta here, what the fuck happened?" Chris says angered and worried all at the same time.

"I just wanted you to make me feel better. I just wanted to feel you. I wanted .... I wanted...." I sob as I try explain the mix of emotions inside of me. His blue eyes search mine for me to explain as best I can but I can't seem to get it out.

"Baby - ?" He reaches out for me but I stop him.

"Susan? Really... fucking Susan...? Fuck, I can't even..." I trail off trying to stop my tears as I wipe them from my cheeks and looking straight into his blue eyes that are filled with worry.

"What, what about Susan?" He asks, still obviously confused.

"Fuck Chris.... you were with Susan and you didn't even fucking tell me. Why didn't you ever fucking tell me?"

"Fuck, Halloween '86?" He asks and I just look at him.

"Shit.... "

"Yea... shit," I repeat back to him sarcastically.

"Andi - "

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask again.

"I don't know,"

"You don't know?"

"I mean I remember that night and I remember you were so upset and all I wanted was to make you feel safe and... but I was angry and confused and... I didn't want to hurt you..."

"Yea well, too fucking late," 

He moves closer to me again reaching out for me once more but I resist him. I was a mix of emotions right now and I didn't want to be touched at all.

"Baby - "

"No, you don't get to 'Baby' me. You lied to me. I'm falling apart and to make it even worse, you fucking lie to me? " I cut him off and place my hands on his chest stopping him from leaning into me and even though I was so angry and hurt, I loved the feeling of his warmth through his plain black t-shirt under my hands.

"I love you," He says and I can feel my tears falling down my cheeks again.

"No, just get outta here" I cry but he catches my hands against his chest, just as I was about to push him away again.

"No I'm not just gonna get outta here. I didn't tell you about Susan because we broke up shortly after that and I didn't really think it was important. I knew you we're going to slip eventually so... ok yea... maybe I should've said something, but -"

"Chris-?" My voice breaks.

" Andi, you're the one. You were always the one and as much as I tried to tell myself that you weren't, you'd show up and I'd fall for you all over again,"

"Chris - ?"

"Andi, I want you to marry me,"

Did he just ask me to...? No. No, that can't be right.

"What?" If I could've picked a time where I wanted to hear those words, I can tell you it would not be at this particular moment. As he still holds my hands to his chest,  his blue eyes hold their gaze to mine and I'm flabbergasted at the fact that he just proposed to me in the middle of a fight.

"Marry me," Chris says, his voice deep and calm. 

"No," I say still angered and annoyed.

"No?" Chris furrows his brow, looking surprised at my answer.

"No... no, this is not how you ask someone to marry you. For one thing I don't have any clothes on, and another thing we're in the middle of an argument here. You don't get to diffuse the argument by asking me to marry you," I say pulling my hands out from under his.

"I'm not trying to diffuse the argument, I'm asking you to marry me because I want you for the rest of my life," He reaches out for me and this time I don't resist him. He pulls me close, his hands moving around to my back, his fingers skipping across my bare skin as he touches his forehead to mine. 

"Chris - "

"Marry me," He says once more, his blue eyes looking straight into mine so intently and after a few moments I close my eyes and move to brush my lips across his. He pulls me into him even closer and I press my bare chest against his and before I know it, he is laying me back down on the floor with him hovering over top of me. I suck his bottom lip and he moans quietly while my hands make their way down to the bottom of his t-shirt. His tongue flicks at my top lip as my fingers make their way up under his shirt, feeling his warm smooth toned chest.

"Oh fuck man... can you close the door at least?" 

Startled, Chris quickly pulls away from me and I try to hide myself under him since I'm still completely naked as Kim's voice stops us in the moment.

"Sorry, Kim," I call out and try to stop myself from giggling.

"Yea... sorry... uh..." Chris trails off as he looks back at Kim, shielding me from his view and tries not to laugh as well.

"Fuck..." Kim calls as he stomps back down the stairs. Chris then turns back to me, still over top of me.

"So... is this a 'yes'?" He asks. I close my eyes and listen for a moment, the sound of everyone downstairs laughing as the music continues to float up the stairs. I then flick my eyes open to look into his beautiful blues full of love for me and I give him a little half smile and a small nod as a smile spreads across his lips. 

"Yea?" He smiles.

"Yea... yes Chris, I'll marry you," I say shakily feeling the blood rushing to my cheeks and my stomach flip flopping as I realize the words that floated from my lips. He cups his palms on either side of my face, brushing a few curls away that were across my eyes and he softly brushes his lips across mine once more. He hesitates for just second but then I intensify the kiss, immediately sucking his bottom lip, moving my legs to wrap them around his hips as he takes me in his arms, making love to me like I am the only one for him.

********************************************************************************************