Time After Time || Chris Cornell

29. You Love Me So Hard

Dusseldorf Germany, April 16 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Sitting at the back of the large tour bus, I place my pen in between my lips and flip through my planner going over everything that's planed for the European leg of the tour. It's the first time as their manager that I will be overseeing everything on this tour and I'm so damn nervous. I want everything to go as smoothly as possible especially without any sort of hiccups on my end. I brought my two favorite guitars with me, my '59 Sunburst Gibson and the '90 re-issue of the Sparkle Silver Gretsch Duo Jet that I got for my birthday. Chris has the '81 black Gibson Standard with all his gear, so hopefully these two will keep me a calm and collected as possible. I even brought my shitty little amp on the bus which made Jason laugh. I still have no idea why he's such a dick to me sometimes. I have to admit though, I have no clue what I am doing. Susan said that I could call her at anytime if I needed any help but I want to be able to do this on my own. She's my best friend and I do not want to let her down.

"Hey baby," Chris says as he slides open the divider. I flip over another page and glance up at him.

"Hermph... ah, hey," I say as I fumble with the pen forgetting that it was between my lips. Chris laughs as he moves over to me and flops down on the couch beside me, flipping his curls out of his face and leans to look over my shoulder. He smells of fresh cologne and aftershave, his face completely smooth, not a hint of stubble anywhere.

"What'cha doin'?" He asks resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Just going over the schedule, making notes... you know, boring stuff," I say as I make a few scribblings with my pen on the pages.  He then reaches over and takes my left hand, distracting me for just a moment and I glance at him raising my eyebrow at him.

"Hey, it's healing pretty good," He says examining the freshly inked tattoo on my ring finger- a simple design for now until it's completed once we actually get married - and places his lips there.

"It better... fucking hurt like a bitch," I say and Chris laughs then reaches for my hips to pull me into his lap, I touch my forehead to his and see his necklace with the silver ring that Andy had given him that also had the diamond engagement ring that Chris gave to me. I then begin to play with both of them between my fingers, and I suddenly felt this horrible sadness seemingly come out of nowhere hitting me in the chest like a ton of bricks. Losing Andy still hurts so much.

"You put my ring with his?" I ask.

"Yea... I uh, wanted to keep it with me," He says softly and places his lips to my temple.

"I miss him," My voice breaks.

"Me too baby... me too," He says and  moves to brush his lips across mine, pulling me in closer and I respond.

His hands move back down and around my back, his fingers trailing up under my loosely fitted Dead Kennedy's tank top, skipping across my skin. It's amazing how in one moment I feel such horrible pain and as soon as he touches me, I quickly forget, relishing in his comfort and knowing that he is the only one who feels the way I do.

Suddenly the bus comes to a stop and Chris slowly pulls away from me, looking confused at where we are.

"Shit, what time is it?" I ask as I move myself from his embrace and make my way over to the window. We had pulled into a large parking lot behind the small club and see a handful of people standing outside the back entrance.

"Sound check time," Chris says as he rises from the couch and pulls open the divider. I quickly grab my planner and follow Chris off the bus with Kim, Matt and Jason in tow.