Freaking Perfect [ON-GOING]

10

August 10, 2020 - Monday

I knew my ways around boys.

I had six ex-boyfriends and have lost count on what I consider as flings. In my eighteen years of age, even as a minor then, I've had countless of suitors- some passable, some dismissible. Lahat ng naging ex ko, including Addie who knows my reputation, couldn't get over the fact that I'm done with them.

Kung gaano akong kinamumuhian ng mga babae, ganoon naman akong sinasamba ng kalalakihan. To say that I'm everyone's nightmare and dream would be an understatement. Being physically attractive is both a curse and a blessing. And of course, I chose to live with the latter and use it to my advantage.

I didn't let any guy get a hold of me and my emotions. Palagi'y inuunahan ko silang ayawan. I guess it helped that I'm not really a believer of love and unicorns. Feelings? I do have it. I get excited with boys. I get a little physical with them. I get all giggly when they're crazy over me. Until I get used to it. And get tired of it. That's what relationship is for me- a mere cycle. You get started. You reach the end.

That's been my take on romantic relationships.

Until Fade happened.

It's been a week since that night, the night I discovered that I like him. It was a rollercoaster of emotion, finding out that I've got a person I truly like, even without all the shits boys use to impress me.

Heck, I doubt he would even impress me! Ni hindi niya nga ako gusto bilang tao, gustuhin pa kaya bilang babae?

I felt scared at first. I've never liked anyone before. Not even Addie. Not this type of like. The boys I've liked before, I liked them because they got the qualities that fit my criteria. Handsome, rich and smart.

Of course, I'd admit Fade is smart and really good-looking. But he's not the kind of handsome that I used to prefer. His aura is just too... intimidating. He's the mature, rough and harsh kind of handsome. Definitely not the flower boy type that I used to date. And hell, he's poor!

Lalo akong na alarma nang walang maramdamang bigat ang dahilang mahirap siya para hindi ko magustuhan. I didn't see it as something that would make my feelings vanish. And that seriously says a lot.

Sa takot ko ay pinilit kong iwasan siya ng ilang araw. Which is stupid because we belong to the same circle of friends, and we live in the same house! Noong una ay inakala niyang nag iinarte lang ako at nabadtrip dahil tinulugan niya ako imbes na tulungan sa assignment.

Pero nang naulit ang ilang beses kong pag gising at pag pasok nang maaga, pati ang pag uwi ng mag isa upang di siya makasalamuha ay tinanong niya na ako kung anong problema ko.

Hindi ako nakasagot nang komprontahin niya at nang mag walkout siya sa inis ay na guilty ako. He didn't deserve such treatment. It wasn't his fault na nagustuhan ko siya and it's not like he asked for it.

Dalawang araw niya akong hindi kinibo dahil doon na napansin nila Aling Gina at Grasya. Pero hindi nalang nila inusisa. Maybe because they'd prefer that over us flipping the entire house as we fight over silly things- that I would usually start.

Come yesterday, I decided to just let go of my inhibitions and just accept that I like him. Tulad nang ginawa kong pag tanggap sa kanilang mga kaibigan ko, which, if I'd be honest, I never really thought would make me this happy. I figured that it's my choice if I'll be scared or motivated to face the uncertainty. At pinili ko ang huli.

Ramdam ko ang pagtataka nilang tatlo nang mag initiate ako ng small interactions with Fade over meal time. He himself thought I had a fever. Bumait daw kasi ako at nabawasan ang pagiging mareklamo. Sinabi pang mag luto ulit si Grasya ng ginataang kalabasa dahil 'yon daw siguro ang dahilan. I can't get myself to tell him that he's the sole reason. I might scare him off.