maze of memories. | lmh + hjs ✓

t w e n t y - s e v e n

warning: mentions of suicide

"lix?" changbin peered into the light room. "i noticed the light was on-"

"changbin hyung." jisung breathed out in relief. he had been aching to see another familiar face. "oh my god jisung." changbin choked out, rushing to the side of the bed.

"you have no idea how worried all of us were." changbin whispered, falling to his knees as he stared at the white plaster cast.

"i'm sorry." he said back, voice breaking along with his heart. "you don't have to apologize. where's minho hyung? he's the one who should apologize." changbin stood up, naturally reaching for felix's hand.

taking it, felix ran his thumb along the other's knuckles. "he's downstairs, on the couch."

"don't." jisung spat out the word like it was poison. changbin and felix froze at the chilling tone. "okay, jisung." the shorter of the two whispered. "let me call jihyo noona."

nodding softly, jisung looked down at the unfamiliar weight on his arm. "please do." he kept his eyes glued to the striped white as changbin called the doctor.

moments later, the door opened again. jihyo stalked closer, sadly smiling at the boy in the bed. "jisung?" the said boy looked up, straining a unnatural smile.

"don't smile if it hurts." jihyo gently reassured, checking his forehead temperature.

jisung's smile slid off of his face, leaving an empty... nothing. felix stood up from the stool, tearfully stepping closer to his boyfriend. the emptiness in his friend's eyes broke him. changbin whispered something into his ear, escorting both of them out of the room.

"your temperature is fine, your wound isn't swelling either. the stitches are holding up nicely and it doesn't seem infected." jihyo traced the plastic cast. "but... i'm more worried about here." jihyo pointed to jisung's head.

"please... can we not have this conversation?" jisung whispered. his head still hurt from the memories of that night, the woman in his head, the blood, the knife, the screaming, the voices-

"jisung." jihyo's calm voice broke the haze that had been rising up from where jisung had pushed them down. "chan wants to see you, can i let him in?"

"yes." jisung softly replied, worriedly staring back. "but what about his-"

"i'm fine." chan laughed from the doorway. "this has happened before, more than once." jisung's gaze snapped to the door, where chan was casually standing there with his shoulder in white bandages and a strange looking splint.

"it has, unfortunately." jihyo sighed playfully. "well, i'm going to leave you two. call if you feel any discomfort anywhere, okay?" she addressed jisung, who simply nodded.

once it was only them two in the room, a heavy silence filled the space. "i'm sorry-" jisung finally started, nervously clenching the blanket with his good hand.

"it's not your fault." chan smiled. "it will never be your fault. do not beat yourself over it, you can't berate yourself other people's choices. sure, i ended up hurt, but so did you."

"and your wound is so much more than mine." chan whispered. "you have no idea how relieved i am that you lived, jisung."

"i'm sorry..." jisung softly said, looking at the leader.

"nothing is your fault jisung." he firmly stated. "this is not your fault in any way."

"ill try... and... i know it's not anyone's fault... but i can't help but blame myself." jisung confessed, tearing up. "i'll always try to recover, but the memory of the storm is to fresh right now, the wound is too fresh."

"i understand." chan sighed. "thanks for trying. and... i think you'll be able to stay here for as long as you want to, along with the others. please recover well, in both ways. remember that it'll never be your fault." he gently patted jisung's shoulder and gingerly made his way out of the room.

///

"jisung woke up?" minho clarified, making sure he heard seungmin's words correctly. "yes, he did. but i don't think he wants to see you-"

minho was already running up the stairs. his head was a mess, his heart was a mess, and so was his health, but he didn't care. all he could think about was that he woke up. chan was shutting the door when minho arrived. "minho, he doesn't want to see you-" chan tried to stop him, but minho was quicker. "does it look like i care?" he yanked the door open, blinking to get the light of the rising sun out of his eyes.

his gaze finally fell on the boy in the bed as a helpless chan muttered useless warnings into minho's ear. jisung instantly teared up upon the sight of the panting other, looking away and at the foot of the bed.

"i'm so, so, so, sorry. i didn't mean anything i said-" minho started to splutter out, rambling at the expressionless jisung.

"i told you already that night, i forgive you." jisung responded, just as cold as the time in the forest. all the strength drained from minho's body as he stumbled forward. "you obviously haven't, jisung, i'm sorry-"

"i said the same thing last time. if you were sorry you would leave me alone, minho." jisung's walls were crumbling at the pain in minho's eyes and words, urging up too many thoughts and too many emotions. he didn't want to deal with the hurt that he had locked away.

"jisung..." minho tearfully whispered, "i promised you. that i would never leave you alone. that day we shared our first kiss, you made me promise that i would never leave you alone, please..."

"i wasn't the one who broke the promise, minho." jisung said, guilt blooming in his chest even as he spoke those words. "you were. so leave before i do something worse than just break a shattered promise."

"but i love you." minho gasped out as jisung painfully looked away, refusing to meet his eyes.

"you should give him some time alone, minho." chan gently guided the crying boy away, shutting the door as he comforted him.

jisung watched it close, bursting into tears seconds after he was left alone. "i have to do this. it isn't healthy for either of us right now because i'm fucked up." he bitterly chuckled, wiping the tears away as he let the pain and fear roam free in his head. the strange woman came back, his voice came back, minho's voice came back.

he let it flow through his brain, feeling the heartbreak like it was just fresh. but this time, something was there to soothe the pain.

minho's voice.

it was the same voice that broke his heart, but also the voice that mended it.

"what are you doing to me...?" jisung breathed out, gripping his cast as tight as he could.

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well i check on this book to update it and it has 2k reads... tf is going on here.. i mean i appreciate it 💖

now its time for a n g s t

thanks for reading <3