maze of memories. | lmh + hjs ✓

t w e n t y - n i n e

"jisung? i'm coming in." minho said tightly, clutching the door handle in a crushing grip. his heart felt like it was going to combust, but he knew that he had paced in front of the door for a bit too long.

"okay." the voice he had been aching to hear said from the other side, lifting his spirits and doubling his anxiety at the same time.

he carefully entered, not daring to look up. "you wanted to talk....?" he murmured, turning around to close the door. "yes, i wanted to talk." jisung responded. "sit down, please."

minho wordlessly obeyed, placing himself on the stool next to the bed. "i need to tell you something." jisung went on, ignoring the fact that minho was refusing to even spare a glance at his direction.

"hyung, we need to stop this."

those were the very words that he was so afraid of hearing. the source of happiness, his source of happiness, turning him away like he was a monster. ironically, that word was the last word jisung would ever use to describe him.

because he thought it fit more with himself.

"jisung... what-" minho bit his lip, closing his eyes before the tears could form. "what do you mean by stopping..."

"minho hyung, look at me." jisung whispered, sadly staring at the hunched figure. "look at me, please."

minho slowly raised his head, his gaze flitting down to the cast then back up to jisung's eyes. "what are we stopping?" he bit his lip to stop it from trembling.

"i want to ask for... space." jisung tightly said, carefully watching for a reaction.

minho's gaze, which had just been brought up, dropped down again, landing on his own two hands. they were folded in his lap, trembling. he could feel the familiar pain settle in his chest, crushing the small bit of hope that had survived the anxiety. he didn't even know he was crying until the droplets started to fall onto his hands.

"so you're breaking this off?" minho questioned, his tone betraying no emotion. it was flat, despite the tears that were dripping out of his eyes.

"not breaking this off, putting it on hold." jisung desperately replied, curling his right hand into a fist. he was stupid, why did he word it like that? "let me explain, please."

"we can't go back to what we were, it's too early for that. it'll just hurt the both of us more." he looked down at his cast to try to remind himself on why he was doing this.

"what if i told you that this hurt more?" minho whispered, "i know this is selfish, and i know that it's all my fault, but it hurts. it's only a few weeks since i've met you, sure, but its just... you make me happier than i've ever been able to be."

jisung wanted to say that he was right, that minho made him happy too, because it was the truth. but the memories stuck to him, trapping him in a vicious cycle of thoughts. "it'll hurt us more, i promise we can get there again. it's too fresh, the wounds and the memories. i need to wait for everything to fade into scars."

"please understand and wait for me." he uncertainly breathed out, heart breaking at the tears flowing out of the other's eyes. a painful lump rose up to his throat, urging him to let the tears fall in sync with minho.

"you promise that we can get there again? you don't... think i'm a monster?" the older finally stuttered out after a moment of silence.

"you're not the one who's the monster." jisung joylessly laughed. "i am."

minho winced back, remembering what he had screamed. "don't ever think that, please."

ignoring the request, jisung avoided the other's eyes. "please don't give up on me."