Kaleidoscope of Emotions

Rainbow of Pain

She is deeply in love with the bruises, wounds, and scars. She does not know why.

Feeling the soft yellow mattress underneath her while looking at the ceiling, the wilderness waves whispered, waking the sleepy surge of the remnants of her memories. She suddenly felt the tears that were silently escaping from her eyes; carefully touching her ears. Her thoughts turned into some kind of strings that were difficult to untangle; slowly grasping her neck to the point that she was having a hard time to breathe. She tried to drown herself with the music that was coming from her earphones, but instead, she was drowning from the scenarios that keep passing through her mind. It made her brain to throb. It was killing her- being lonely and sad, being not enough, and being a walking fiasco. She was tired of always filtering her pain through the prism of humour. People around considered her as a star that lights up the dark, but they forgot how stars were actually dead.

The teenager removed her earphones, pulled herself up, and went to a place that she considered as the safest haven- the bathroom. The curtain that has a faded colour of violet and indigo danced because of her sudden arrival. Her body fell into the cold tiles of the comfort room like a cold corpse. She was about to succumb into the abyss, but no one was there to save her because everyone else was in need of being saved too. Her tears fell uncontrollably; chest was getting tight; and, her trembling hands covered her mouth to avoid from making sobs. She leaned her head to the wall while looking at the blue sky that was peeking from the window, asking if she was okay. Her eyes found her pain reliever that was hidden near the door and reached for it. Without hesitation, the blade of the knife kissed her wrist, making the thick red blood to run down to her palm and to the orange handle of the knife. Then, the blade caressed her wrist. The colour of the blood blended with her green-coloured clothes. She doesn't want to end her life, but to end her pain.

The miserable lady noticed two words that were intentionally carved to the handle of the knife. She turned on the faucet and tried to wash away the blood from it. Memento Vivere- the phrase... that was familiar to her; that she carved to save her from herself; that means remember to live. Her tears fell, this time, not because of the pain, but because she was saved again. She cleaned herself and let a clean cloth to embrace her wounds. She went back to her room. The absence of light inside her room helped in easing her mind, and to let realizations flow like the water. She was suddenly at peace. She was me; the echoes of the past.

I've realized that humans have only seen one side of life- darkness, because their minds are closed, so as their hearts. They haven't seen the beauty of life not because they are blind, but because their eyes are only fixated to a certain part of their life in which darkness sits on. Life is like a painting on a gigantic canvas. It is filled with beautiful colours with different brush strokes that create deep meanings. Dark colours are used to emphasize its images, without it, it would be boring. Humans are standing close to the painting where they could only see the dark colours, which only sends negativity on their minds. But, if humans would step back and accepts new colourful ideas with a wider perception, they would certainly know what lies behind that canvas.

Honestly, there's no shame in hurting, struggling, and getting help. There's nothing wrong with being weak. It is wrong if you'll stay weak. For all individuals who are already tired of their life, just rest and then continue to live.