butterfly// 5SOS

3

tw/ self harm
Elijah

"Are you feeling okay sweetheart?" mum said, feeling my head, "You're really hot,"

"I don't feel well,"

"You can go to your room and have a lay down if you want,"

"You can borrow one of my books to read if you want," Jasper said, "Or some of my shorts if you'd prefer them over joggers. You do look hot,"

I didn't like having the attention on me, especially because they were pointing out things about my face. Gulping, I stood up, slowly climbing upstairs; my head was spinning a bit, and I stumbled into Jasper's room to get some shorts.

Once I found them, I went into my room and changed, then laid down on my bed and shut my eyes. What sucked the most was that I used to get sick like this all the time as a kid, and it reminded me of the loneliness I felt. Though I knew better, nothing could take away the cold feeling in me from the nights no one was protecting me from the monster under the bed, or the times I hurt myself, or got bullied.

Even in the group homes when I was being looked after, there was still no human connection. It was special, and I didn't want to ruin the one I had with everyone here.

Downstairs, I could hear everyone laughing at the movie, but my stomach was just churning and I laid on my side, taking deep breaths.

I gagged a little and cautiously stood to tell dad, but then I gagged again and ran to the bathroom, throwing up in the toilet.

"Katy?"

Lauren came into the bathroom and wrapped her arms round me, a toy in her hand that I assumed she'd come to get.

"Mummy! Sissy is sick!"

I pushed her away and threw up again, dad crouching beside me instead; he took my beanie off and I choked out a sob, being sick again.

"Get it all out, we need you to cool down,"

Without mentioning my hair, he ran his fingers through it, and hushed me as I began to cry. One because I was sick, and two because I hadn't wanted them to see my hair yet as it wasn't nice.

"Sorry,"

"It's okay. Were you sick in your room?" he asked, wiping my mouth with a tissue.

"No,"

"Alright, you need to sit in here for a few minutes and cool off,"

I leant against the wall and dried my eyes, my hands shaking a little. Jasper came in and gave me a glass of water- which I sipped- then he sat beside me and held my hand.

"You were due to begin school on Monday, but I think you'll need some days off if you're sick and stressed," dad said, "Which is okay,"

"Okay,"

He felt my head and cupped my cheek, mum handing me a damp flannel. They helped me stand and tucked me into bed, putting the flannel on my head; not long after everyone had left me to rest, Jasper snook back in with the laptop. Irritatingly, I was about to sleep, but the company was also nice.

"Would you like to clothes shop?"

Since I didn't know where they shopped or what prices they bought, I was glad he asked.
He sat beside me on the mens section of the website, and clicked some filters to find my size.