butterfly// 5SOS

20

tw/ food and self harm mention
Elijah

"Goodmorning bud, you need to start getting ready to go to grandma and grandad's house. All your online work is on the computer, they'll help you get to grips with it,"

Yawning, I hugged dad, then got out of bed and pulled jeans and a sweatshirt from the wardrobe. I found my beanie and slid that on, then headed to the kitchen and found them both making pancakes.

"Will Jasper have my letter yet?"

"Probably not, but sometime this week he will. Today will be his first day at his new school,"

"We can call him later then,"

"Sounds like a good plan. How is your new room?"

"I love it. Thankyou,"

We sat down at the table and ate breakfast together which I always enjoyed. When I was a little kid, no one ever ate at the table, and mum used to just give me bread and butter that I ate alone- if I was lucky. At my grandparents house, I was responsible for my own food, but of course I knew no better than to get a lunchable box and take it to my bedroom. If we didn't have them they I raided the cupboard for whatever I could find.

Until I got to the group homes, I'd never even been cooked for. As I'd eaten all the bad food at my grandparents, then ate all the meals at the group home, I was a chubby kid. It was only when I first started expressing myself, and got picked on, then I lost weight. Often, I didn't eat the food because I was upset and insecure.

Honestly, from then on, my life had felt like a chore. When I was twelve, I began self harming, and it quickly got dangerous and I ended up in hospital. But I got moved to another group home quickly, and had no one to help me. The bullying began again and the thoughts began again. I skipped school and had tried to run away.

The second time I landed in hospital from it all was when I had first met Luke.

All this time people had given me crap for who I was, and he took the time to speak to me, even if he wasn't meant to. I remembered that he was the one who tried to get me a therapist, but they moved me again. Somehow it didn't even matter that I was in the same town, they still found no one to help.

Then when Michael and Crystal's house popped up I put up one hell of a fight. Why should I trust any adult ever again?

Of course, I had no choice though- you hardly ever got a say.

But it had turned out okay. Better than okay.

I couldn't fathom how grateful I truly was to have found a home that was different.

"Hey, bud, you okay?" dad said, "You zoned out,"

"Yeah. Just thinking about how crap things have been,"

"Oh, cheerful,"

"I'm not gonna do it again. I really will try,"

"We'll help you with that, always,"

**

I sat at grandma and grandad's kitchen table, working through history. This honestly felt like a luxury.

No people. No teachers. No noise.

Just peace, chocolate milk, and a bowl of strawberries. Sure, I struggled with reading and understanding things, but at least I could go at my own pace until I understood. Grandad had helped me with the reading so I understood it now, and filled the task in.

They'd gone for a walk before lunch, so when the front door opened, I went to the hallway.

"We picked these apples on the way," Grandma said, throwing one at me, "Wash it first, you can have it with lunch,"