butterfly// 5SOS

14

tw// transphobia and violence
Elijah

In the morning, I woke up earlier than everyone, so I went downstairs and made myself a coffee to sit outside with. Alone, I sat at the table and stared into the distance, not sure how to feel.

I should be happy for Jasper. Just as I loved him, he loved his older brother- I guess I understood. It was heart breaking though, and it had happened so quickly.

"Are you okay?"

He walked out the backdoor and sat opposite me, smiling weakly.

"I will still speak to you. I love you, I love you a lot, but this is my biological family that we are talking about. I want to learn about them, and get to know them,"

"I guess that's hard for me to understand,"

"Perhaps you'll find someone someday,"

"I'm happy here," I sniffed, "I don't want you to go,"

"We can still play video games together, and when you get a phone we will call,"

"Promise they won't hurt me when you're not here to protect me?"

"I promise,"

"You deserve this, you're a good person,"

"Wanna make breakfast with me?"

We went into the kitchen and began cooking up a huge breakfast, Lauren wandering in shortly after we began as we had clattered around a lot.

She made her dolls cook at the table, which I would miss a lot- I'd miss getting to play with her.

"Go and tell mum and dad that it's ready," Jasper said, taking the plates out. Before he served up, however, he pulled me into a tight hug which I was not a fan of without a binder on, and he knew that.

"I love you,"

"Okay,"

"I didn't mean to make you so mad,"

"I'm not mad, I'm upset,"

"It's not forever,"

"We just got matching jeans,"

"And I'll wear them all the time,"

Mum and dad came into the kitchen, giving us both hugs, then we all sat at the table together for the last time. It sucked, knowing these were the last moments and not being able to change that.

And I struggled to believe he would stay in touch if he was willing to leave that quickly.

"All the boys are coming over soon to say goodbye,"

"I packed," Lauren said, "My toys will wait!"

"You need to take some with you, I'll help you sweetheart," mum said, "Dad will help you, Jasper,"

We cleared the table and they went upstairs while I stayed in the living room, waiting. First to arrive was Calum, who said a quick hello but headed upstairs because Lauren was having a full blown hissy fit.