Knowing You Is A Mistake

6

I woke up with a heavy lid. I tried to open my eyes more. Tila nasisilaw ang aking mga mata sa liwanag.

"Bish" I heard a familiar voice, so I look around and saw my friends. Anna, Ely, and Cari was standing beside me and looking down at me.

"Nasaan ako?" I said when I realized that this room is unfamiliar.

"Nasa hospital ka ngayon bisb" sagot ni Anna.

Kumunot ang noo ko tsaka ako naalimpungatan. "My baby" agad kong sabi sabay napaupo mula sa pagkakahiga.

"Relax ka lang bish. You're both safe" si Cari na agad kumipat sa kabilang side ko.

Tears rolled down again as I touch my tummy.

"Bakit hindi mo man lang sinabi sa amin?" May halong tampong tanong ni Ely sa kin.

"Bish, not now" suway sakanya ni Anna.

"Kailangan mong magpahinga muna bish. Huwag ka munang magpapakastress para sa baby mo"

"Anna is right bish. Haay, nandito lang kami" si Ely, they all smiled at me saying it will going to be okay.

"Si Chad?" Tanong ko sakanila ng maalalang siya yung huli komg kasama. He is hurt. I hurt him.

"Umalis na kanina pa. Pagkadating namin. Doon naman siya agad umalis" sagot ni Cari.

"Tinawagan niya kami. Sinabi niyang nandito ka. Mukhang hinintay lang talaga niya kaming dumating."

Tumango tango lamang ako sakanila. Hilam ang aking matang tumingin sakanila.

"Naiintindiha  ko. I hurt him. Ang sama sama ko" I said as I cried again.

"Tama na bish" alo nila sa akin.
Ang sakit ng ginawa ko sakanya. Ako na yung pinakamasamang tao.

Agad naman silang mapabitiw ng yakap sa akin when we heard someone went inside.

Sila Kuya kasama nila mga isang babaeng doctor.

"You know that you're pregnant right? So dapat hindi mo binubugbog ang sarili sa pagiyak. Papahirapan mo sarili mo lalo na ang anak mo. Anyway, I have talked already with your brother regarding on your condition. Iha, I suggest you take a rest. Most probably bed rest. Hindi biro ang pagbubuntis mo ngayon. At kung maari bawal ang stress. Stay away from that if you want your child to live. I give you prescription for your vitamins and other things that can help with your baby, pampakapit ni babay. You are good to go when you have settle already your bill" mahabang bilin ni doctora sa akin.

"Maiwan ko na kayo. Dobleng ingat iha. Okay?"

"Opo doctora. Salamat po"

Mataman lang akong tinignan nila kuya tsaka sumunod na lumabas.

"You heard that Bish. Huwag magpapakastress. Maselan kang magbuntis." Paguulit ni Anna sa akin.

"Yes po, guys. Thank you." I said to them. Walang humpay na pasasalamat dahil sa mga oras na ganito. Pagiintindi at kadamay ang kailangan ko.

"Ahhh, we love you Bish" si Ely na yumakap sa akin.

"Enough with all the dramas Bish. Bawal bawal bawal ang drama okay" suway ni Cari.

"But Bish, kapag okay ka na. You can tell us. We are here to listen. No judgement and you know that whenever you needed us we're here for you." Mahabng komento naman ni Bish.

Tanging ngiti ang aking sinukli sakanila.

I'm still thankful, eventhough people turn their back on me I know these gorgeous girls won't turn their back on me. I know they will be there always.

Agad din akong nadischarge nang makabalik sila Kuya sa akin. Alam kong tinutulungan ako nila kuya out of pity. Alam ko din na masama ang loob nila sa akin.

Wala naman akong magagawa para mawala yung sama ng loob nila sa kin. I will let time heals them all. I've messed up, I know I hurt them but never will going to feel myself that what happened to me is mistake.

Maybe knowing Alsaed is a mistake but somehow having this baby inside ky womb would never be a mistake. Pareho naming ginusto eto. We both agreed on this and made a plans after that if anything happens. Suddenly, those plan was over. Gone with the wind.

"Baby, promise I'm going to take care of you. I will give you the whole world. Mahal ka ni Mommy Baby. Kumapit ka lang ha. Magpapalakas si Mommy para sayo" himas himas ang aking tiyan na medyo nahahalata na ang umbok.

Wala sa sariling kinuha ko ang aking cellphone na nakalapag sa tabi ko. I checked my gallery and saw his photo. If only things would've turn out differently kasama ko sana siya ngayon.

I looked up in the sky. Tears falls down again. "Lord, help me. Guide me. I know  you're hearing me out there. Listen to me lord. Help make it through this. Help me to raise my child even without him by my side" I wiped my tears again  and laughed a bit. Wala na atang katapusan ang mga luhang ito.

"Papa, I'm sorry. Alam kong disappointed ka sa akin ngayon. Kahit ganun pa man. Gabayan mo parin ako. Para sa magiging apo mo Papa. I miss you and I love you Papa."

Muli nanaman akong napatingi  sa larawan namin ni Alsaed. We were both happy in that picture. Sumisikip parin hanggang ngayon ang dibdib ko sa tuwing naiisip ko siya. Sa bawat pagalala lahat ng mga bagay na tungkol sakany.

I promised that this will be the last that I'm going to think about you Alsaed. This is not for myself, this is for our baby.

"Ading, magamog na diyan, pumasok ka na sa bahay. Magpahinga na at gabi na" tawag sa akin ni Kuya Ram.

"Opo"

"Goodbye Alsaed" I whispered and wiped my tears.