Knowing You Is A Mistake

14

Tinapunan ko ng tingin si Ash ng mawala na ang anak namin. I walked out going to the Balcony. Hinayaan kong salubungin ang hangin sabay ng pagkumpas ng buhok ko.

I leaned myself on the railings of the balcony as my eyes looked at the dark night sea.

Akala ko magiging okay na ako. Bakit sa tuwing babalikan ko ang nakalipas may sakit o kirot akong nararamdaman. Lalo na at ngayon nandito siya. Nandito talaga siya at hindi ako nananaginip lang.

"You named him Ashir" napapikit ako ng marinig ko ang malamyos niyang tinig sa likod ko.

I turned around but I wasn't expecting that he's already closed to me. An inch only. So wala sa sariling napaatras ako pero ang naramdaman ko lang ay ang malamig na railings sa likod ko.

Napalunok ako. Ramdam ko ang panlalamig ng buong katawan ko. Please, just this time maging matapang ka Maysie specially sa harap niya.

"Ashir Ayaan" I said.

He was staring at me intently as he touch my face with his hand.

"You remember it, the name we choose for our future child. Thank you" mababakas ang lungkot sakanyang mga mata habang sinasabi niya ang mga katagang iyon.

Hindi, hinding hindi ako maawa sa lalaking ito. Like he always did, gusto niya laging maramdaman ko para sa huli maging okay kami.

I grabbed his hands at unti unting tinanggal ito mula sa mukha ko. I heard him sighed at nanlulumong napatungo.

Lumayo ako sakanya ng bahagya. 

"How did he knows me. From the moment he saw me?"

"I told him about you and he saw your picture" nakahalukipkip akong matamang tinignan siya sa malamlam niyang mga mata.

"Thank you"

"Look, about the marraige that you're talking with my Family. Thats not gonna happen and getting us back to your country. I don't think that would be necessary. You can visit him here. And besides, we have our life here. Ashir, doesn't need to go to your country not until he can go there all by himself. I will let him. But as long as he is still a kid he will not go anywhere but to stay here with me" I straightforwardly said to him. Ang malamyos niyang mga tingin ay napalitan ng sakit. Umigting ang kanyang mga panga.

"You can't do that. Babe, we can work this out right. I know I was wrong before but here I am now. We can  be together again like what we've planned before. I love you. I love you and Ashir. I've waited long until this time I can finally be with you both. Please for our Son" pagsusumamo niya. Tinabig ko ang mga kamay niya na handang hawakan ako sa braso.

"Its over Ash. You're a year too late. You have to accept it. Just be thankful that your son knew about you being his Father" matapang kong sabi. Pilit pinapatatag ang sarili. Pilit ko din tinatago at pinipigilan ang mga luhang handang kumawala.

Why? Why I still hate seeing him getting hurt? Why?

I decided to walked out from him tsaka dumiretso sa loob ng pent. Ayokong bumigay ako at umiyak dahil sa nakikita kong sakit at namumuong luha sakanyang mga mata.

"I looked for you" wala sariling napatigil ako sa gitna ng living room.

Nakita ko kung paano natigil sila Ate Ayesha sa pagaayos ng mga bagahe.

"When Ayesha told me about you. I immediately went to your house. I called many times but you blocked me.  Whatsapp, facebook, messenger, instagram. I don't kmow how to reach you. Your friends told me you went back home here. That time I want to fly going here. If only I know where you lived.." I turn around to see him and I didn't expect what I saw. He's crying, a tears fall down to his cheecks. Nagsisi akong hinarap siya dahil ang traydor kong damdamin ay unti unting nanlalambot. Kusa nalang din nalaglag ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan.