Let The Past Die (Kylo Ren x reader)

5. No One's Hands Are Clean

"Use your opponent against themselves" Kylo instructed me. "If they are taller than you - which most people are..."

I glared at him from behind the glow of my lightsaber, and the corner of his mouth curled up.

"Shift their center of gravity" he continued, expressionless once again. "Make them lose balance. There are more ways of controlling another person than with the Force."

"I thought you loved brute strength" I teased him.

"I'm not stupid" he responded, cocking an eyebrow.

Tuning out his voice, I focused on his movements. When he stepped forward, I stepped back. When he swung his lightsaber towards me, I ducked, moving under his arms and around him. A frustrated growl emanated from deep down in his chest, and he shifted swiftly on his heel, causing me to stumble back. I caught myself on the mattress, muttering angrily at my mistake.

"Stop avoiding me. Let it all out" he commanded impatiently, his jaw clenched, face almost contorted. "Don't hold it in. Feel it! Feel your frustration! Let it out" he ordered me.

His outbursts no longer frightened me as they had for the first couple of months of my stay aboard the Star Destroyer Steadfast. Widening my stance further, I raised my glowing lightsaber in front of me again, elbows bent with restraint at my sides. He had been right; there were more ways to control a person, and I chose endurance as my trusted companion. It was the only way I could see myself beating him. Panting from the altercation, I closed my eyes to calm my mind. When I opened them again, I felt sure of my conviction.

"I will not become like you" I said with resolve. "I've agreed to train with you. That is all. I'm not here to become you."

My words suddenly seemed to ignite him like a fuse. He lashed out, striking at me again. I met his saber with mine over and over, swiftly moving out of his way. He spun around and swiped close to my face, but I bent my knees, leaning back, dodging his attack. Stepping away, I continued warding him off, his saber crackling aggressively with the unhesitating thwacks. We had trained together as padawans on Yavin, but since then he almost seemed to have given up his patience and self-discipline. His eyes remained on me intently, and for a second I felt anguish radiating from him. The red lightsaber came towards me from the right, but just as I moved left he shifted position. I groaned through my teeth as he caught my upper arm, and I stumbled back, glaring down at my ripped shirt, now stained dark red.

"You-..." I met his stare. For a split second, I had almost allowed myself to cuss him out.

He was panting as well, arms and legs spread wide in anticipation for my next move, his stance a clear invitation. He wanted me to attack first, I knew as much, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Instead, I jumped up and flipped backward, letting the Force lift me into the air. I landed feet first on my bed and looked down at him, feeling a smile spread across my lips as I realized that I was now taller than him for the first time.

"I said no Force use" he reminded me warningly, pointing his hissing, red lightsaber at me.

I snorted, shaking my head.

"Then don't try to distract me" I said, vaguely teasing him.

"I'm trying to make you understand" he answered. He lowered his saber at his side, walking towards the end of the bed.

In preparation for another strike, I raised my weapon and wiped the grin off my face. I stepped back on the mattress slowly, keeping my balance as my feet sank down.

"I do understand" I said, careful not to raise my voice. I couldn't falter, or he'd get his way. "I just don't agree."

No attack came. Instead, he stopped in front of me, raising his hand. Suddenly I was shoved back against the wall, my fist involuntarily opening and releasing the grip on my lightsaber. I tried to squirm free, but his Force hold on my body was too strong. He observed me amusedly, and the corner of his mouth twitched up.