Let The Past Die (Kylo Ren x reader)

8. The Reluctant Commander

"We're not done."

I had located Kylo Ren's TIE Silencer not far beyond the treeline outside the temple. A vague plan formed in my brain; if I stole the Silencer and got to a remote planet, that would hopefully buy me some time to search the old Jedi texts for clues. I held myself up against one of the wings, eyes closed in an effort to calm myself. The sound of Ren's stern voice behind me came as no surprise.

"I'm done" I responded without turning to face him.

"My objective was always to make you my apprentice" he said casually. "Now I know you are a worthy candidate."

"Because you can manipulate me?" I yelled, finally shifting to look at him.

He stood firm, chest out, proud. The black robes swayed gently by his ankles. He stared intently at me, like he always seemed to do, as if he wished for me to be more impressionable and susceptible to his control.

"Because I know you can turn your frustration into action" he insisted. "Skywalker didn't want you to know it, but you are stronger than you think. You don't have to silence your emotions. They are natural. They are who you are. Use them."

I scowled at him.

"You silence yours all the time" I retorted.

A snort and a step closer.

"Merely the thoughts that urge me to turn back" he confessed. "It's too late for me to go back. The only option is to make our own way."

Master Skywalker's choice to leave my parents to their fate came to mind again. Don't risk a thousand lives to save one, his voice echoed in my head. I never wanted to follow that policy, I never wanted to believe that someone had to die for others to live. Abandoning people for the greater good of the Jedi didn't sit right with me. Kylo Ren raised an eyebrow.

"Let the past die" he said. "The Jedi, the rules, everything. Let's shape the future together."

"Then stop the First Order attacks" I pleaded. I reached out an open hand towards him. "We can decide for ourselves. We don't have to follow the Jedi Code, but... Ben..."

His eyes shifted from my face to my hand. Something brewed inside of him.

"Just not like this."

Whatever flame of hope I had lit in myself, quickly shivered into a dying ember as soon as his gaze met mine again. His face was blank, any remnants of his grin earlier today, washed away.

"We'll discuss this later." He approached, circling me to enter the starfighter. Once he was up at the hatch, he reached out his hand towards me. "Come on, kid."

The familiar, affectionate pet name gave me pause. For a brief moment, I saw the faint likeness of Han Solo on his face. I simpered helplessly, taking his hand in mine and allowing him to haul me up.

"There is hope for you yet" I said, flame fluttering back to life in my chest.

He rolled his eyes at me, muttering something as he disappeared down into the cockpit. I followed him swiftly, gasping surprisedly when he caught me mid-jump. His hooded eyes held mine as I sank, feet finally touching the floor.

"I can handle myself" I said, barely concealing how little I wanted to be rid of his touch.

"I know." A small smirk spread on his face as he sat down in the pilot's chair, motioning for me to sit in his lap.

Dropping my satchel behind the seat, I made a point of rolling my eyes right back at him as I followed his command.

"I'll never be okay with this" I said grumpily, leaning back against his arm.