then ~ RUEL FANFIC~

Ruel's POV

It's a cold night and it takes a few minutes in the dark silent carpark to find my car. I unlock it, jump in and turn on the heater. Take a few seconds to breathe and then cry like a baby. 

I can't go home and leave her here, even if she says it's ok. So I turn the car back off, get my stuff, hop out, lock it, and walk back up to the hospital. Find her room again and go back in.

"Forget something?" She asks.

"No."

"Ruel, look at me."

I look over at her and she spots the tears on my face. Her face grows concerned. 

"Why are you crying?"

"I don't know."

She gets out of bed and comes over to me. Wipes a tear off my cheek. "Don't, it's ok."

Then she hugs me. Tight. And it just makes me cry more. 

"You're tired, you should sleep." She whispers.

"No, I'm fine, seriously."

"You're not."

"You're the one who needs rest, get back in bed."

She bites her lip but goes and lies down.

"Sleep, I know you're tired." I murmur.

She smiles and closes her eyes, almost immediately falling asleep.

I sit in silence for a while watching her. The door opens and Coco walks in.

"I thought you went home?" I say quietly so as to not wake Alira.

"I wasn't going to leave her alone for the night. I thought you went too?"

"I'm here for the same reason you are."

She sits down on the chair next to me

"How're you feeling?" She whispers.

"I don't know. It's Alira you should be worried about, not me.

"Well, I am worried about her of course, but right now she's safe asleep in front of us and I'm talking to you."

"Coco, you don't need to-"

"See, I obviously do need to! Every time something's up you use all these distraction tactics or try to change the subject and it's obvious you aren't alright. Look at me."

I look up from the floor and hold eye contact.

"You've always been a shit liar, you know."

I smile. "Yeah."

"So talk to me. What's up?"

"I don't know what to do."

"About what?" 

"About everything. When she was, you know... pregnant... we had a plan. Look after the kid. And now I don't have... I don't know, a purpose I guess. I don't have anything to pass time."

"That's fair and pretty normal for your age. I know that doesn't help but know it's not just you."

"But it is. It's not just that it's just... no offence, but you don't know how it feels to come out of a massive career so early and just be back to normal. It's hard."

"And it was hard when you had your... you know, career. You made a good choice."

"What? To leave?"

"Yeah. We watched you struggle the whole time you were doing that stuff. You went with your gut and left. I'm proud of you."

I half shrug and stare at the floor more intensely than ever as tears burn in my eyes.

"Ruel." She says softly. "You can't just dwell on whether you made the right decision or not forever."

"But the consequences of that decision could last forever."

"Maybe. But you'll see. You will never find out if you don't get out there and try stuff."

"But what can I do?"

"Go to uni."

"I didn't finish year 12."

"That doesn't matter. If you have the skills they'll let you in."

"I don't think I can."

"Why not?"

I take a deep breath and lower the volume of my voice even further. "Because I'm scared."

She sighs.

"You two came back?" Comes a voice. It's Alira. Both of us look up at the bed and she's still lying down. She obviously heard us talking.

I stand up and walk over to her. "Go back to sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"Well... just try. Close your eyes, you really need rest."

"What were you guys talking about?"

I look back to Coco for guidance. She shrugs. 

"Just... me going to uni. Maybe."

"Oh, cool. I'll come."

"No."

"Why!? I need to do something as well."

I go silent, unable to think of a good reason why she shouldn't.

Coco coughs. "We can look at courses and uni and stuff when we get home. Just rest and relax. Don't rush it."

I sigh. We're going in an endless loop of 'there's no rush.... but you need to do something.'

Alira is slipping back into sleep so Coco stands up. "You'll stay?"

I nod.

"Ok. I'm going home, I'm really tired. If you need anything call me."

She leaves and I'm back in the silence with my own thoughts.