then ~ RUEL FANFIC~

Alira's POV

I wake and by the light through the half open door see the clock reads 9pm. An awkward time to wake up.

I roll over and he's not there. Fear shoots through me, coursing through my veins, while I reassure myself Over and over he's probably just at the bathroom or something. 

The temporary calm that was sleep has gone to be replaced by the same fear I've felt for almost 24 hours now. I subconsciously put my hand over my stomach, wondering what's inside.

The question I keep asking myself is why. Why me, why anyone,  why there, why wasn't I with anyone, why did I drink so much. I keep replaying the situation through my mind seeing how I can manipulate and fix it. 

I woke up on the floor of the bathroom, drunk and sore, feeling gross. Remembered the figure of a guy standing over me. The door was open. It was 4am and everyone was asleep. I tiptoed through the house, my mind screaming, until I finally caught sight of Ruel asleep on a couch. The couch across was empty so I lay down, eyes wide, flinching at the slightest noises. At about 5am when people started waking I pretended to be asleep. Ruel 'woke' me. We went home. Now we're here.

A phone ringing in the living room brings me back to the present. It gets picked up quickly, and Ruel's talking to someone.

"She's still asleep. I made her dinner but I don't think she'll eat it. And Coco's staying in the spare room. I'll let her know about tomorrow. Ok. Bye. Love you."

Strength's returned to my body so I stand up and walk into the kitchen, where he's standing behind the bench.

"Oh, hi. I thought you were asleep." He says.

"Not anymore."

"You ok? How's... everything?"

"I don't know."

"Mum got you into a doctor for tomorrow."

"Oh. What for?"

"Everything. Just to talk. Checkup, see if anything... you know, happened."

I nod and wrap my arms around myself.

"Did you make dinner? I heard you on the phone just then."

"Well... no. I just had to say that or mum would've been mad. I can make you something, though."

"Have you eaten?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You didn't eat all day."

"Neither did you."

"Ruel, eat something."

"Okay, okay, I'll make something. What do you want?"

"Nothing."

"Well then I don't have to eat anything either."

I raise my eyebrows and give him a stern look but let it go.

"What do you want to do? Watch a movie? Sleep?"

"I slept like, all day. I'm not tired."

"Me neither."

"I want to go for a walk." 

He sighs. "It's pretty late, you know."

"Yes, dickhead, i do know. But I want to go for a walk. To the beach."

"If you say so."

"I do say so. Let's swim as well. A night swim."

He laughs. "Fine."

I go back to my room and shut the door. Pull out a bikini and get changed. Then put a hoodie over the top.

I go straight out the front and wait on the lawn. When he comes out of the house we don't talk, just head towards the beach. 

We get down to the sand and a bright, pale full moon breaks through the clouds.

I take off my hoodie and stand still and silent, staring out at the calm ocean.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks quietly from behind me.

I sigh and shrug, still facing away from him. "Not sure."

"Guess neither of us will ever know."

I can't help but smile.

The cold water is refreshing and washes off the feeling of dirtiness I've carried. My hair drifts freely behind me, entangled by the salty water.

"You know what we should do?" My head breaks the surface to answer the question.

"I don't know. What?"

"Stay in a beach house for a week. Invite some people. Or if you wanted some alone time, I could get one just for you."

"Maybe."

"This is the most normal thing we've done in a while." He smirks.

"What? Swim in the middle of the night?"

"Yeah! Can you think of anything else?"

In fact, I can think of a lot. But I won't say it. I'll let him go along with his bliss.

It's 2am and I lie on my stomach on my towel in the sand. The pale moonlight is bright and my tired eyes fight against sleep. 

"We should go home, if coco wakes up she'll freak." He murmurs.

I sit up and look towards the stairs to the carpark. "No she won't, there she is." I point at a line figure almost running down the stairs, across the sand towards us.

"You two! I woke up and you were gone, you fools, you idiots-"

"Told you." He smirks at me. I try not to laugh.

"Let's go home, it's cold, it's the middle of the night!" Coco hisses. It is kind of cold but I won't admit it. 

We walk back up guiltily like little kids being scolded every few seconds. 

At home I shower, brush out my hair knotted from the sea water, let the warm spray defrost my frozen body.

After drying and changing into a soft pair of pyjamas I climb into bed. The moonlight's shining through my window. 

I try to fall asleep but I can't help it. 24 hours ago it would've been. I think and I think and I think and I replay everything in my mind for the trillionth time. I want to go talk to Ruel but I tell myself to shut up and get over it. Tomorrow we'll go to the doctors and get checked and everything will be fine. Everything will be fine.

Spoiler alert- everything was not fine.