then ~ RUEL FANFIC~

Ruel's POV

*wow this was lowkey a bit depressing lol*

The airport is busy and bright, so different to last time we saw it, full of smoke and crying stragglers. Every bit of black burn mark has seemingly shed to show an even more vibrant under layer. 

I can't pick up my mood, though. I stare at the gate that she's due to come through in twenty minutes. Nineteen minutes. Eighteen minutes.

What if she doesn't come? What if she brings her family, or even worse, a boy 

The idea of it makes me angry so I stand up to work off some energy. 

This morning coco tried to come with me but I refused. After I got mad, really mad, I think she realised that it just wouldn't be right. I left hours too early, hoping to have some time to compose myself, get something to eat in the terminal, but instead have spent all of it sitting and shaking. I'm slightly surprised and proud I haven't thrown up yet.

I see her plane taxiing into position and then look away before my heart rate can get any higher. I'm really panicking now, not knowing what girl will emerge from the plane and how she will have changed. The shaking is getting worse and I worry that she'll notice. What if someone gets off the plane and recognises me? That would be awkward. 

I'm still overthinking things when people start walking out with their suitcases. I hold my breath.

Not her.

Not her.

Not her.

Definitely not her.

The thick crowd of people turns into a trickle. 

I'm at the wrong gate.

This is the wrong plane.

Maybe today want the day.

Maybe she isn't coming.

And then...

Bam. It's like that. A punch square in the chest that obviously isn't real. 

She looks more or less the same, brown hair, high cheekbones, browned skin, and that twinkle in her eye that makes you think she knows things.

Maybe everything will be the same, I think to myself. Maybe this was all just a Dream, and she's back.

But it's not like that. Nothing's the same anymore. She seems to be shaking almost as much as I am, and her eyes dart around nervously. 

I stand, there, struggling to formulate words.

She makes eye contact with me and both of us stop. It's like old times. The world shrinks away until it's just us. And then, just like in the nightmares that wake me every single night, the flames consume her and I draw breath. Blink and they're gone. It's fine. She's fine. They're only dreams.

She walks up slowly and I close my mouth when I realise I'm gaping rather rudely.

I shut my eyes as she runs her hand lightly over my jumper.

Open them again and she's smiling. Almost. A ray of hope appears and we hug. A long hug. Too long. Then I Never want to let go, lose her again. I don't want to cry, not now, not here. 

She's safe.

"I missed you." She whispers.

"I missed you more."

We let go and find each other's hand. Hold on, keeping each other there.

Just like old times.

It feels like the fairytale ending, they walked off into the sunset, out the airport doors to under the wide blue sky, catch a cute yellow cab home, lie on a picnic rug and laugh and talk about life and pick flowers.

But we only make it to the cab.

I knew it was coming but I can't pretend it doesn't shock me.

She stops and pulls me back, just outside the doors. "I really, really want this to work. Please, we have each other now,  we just need to... to let go. Of anything that you think we have."

I bite back my retort when I remember telling her we were nothing more than friends in my car, in the dark, lonely carpark. I remember her slapping me across the face, I remember agreeing to stop talking to each other. All these things, and still, it ended up like this.

I look around to check no one is watching. "I knew it. I knew you'd say that. We're still going in circles, all this time it's been happening. It's like a flower, I love you, I love you not, I love you, I love you not. Then all of a sudden we're banned from being in love, or forced to love. I didn't think we had anything going on anyway. You didn't need to bring it up." 

I shouldn't be mad, I know I'm in the wrong, but I watch as the waves of disappointment, then anger, hit her.

I'm worried she'll slap me again but instead she just shakes her head and turns around to walk away, dragging her small suitcase behind her.

I watch her get inside a cab and drive off before I accept she's really gone. The girl I knew, she's left, and been replaced by this. While I know it's reasonable after everything that happens I miss the old Alira.

My car's parked in the short term parking and I didn't buy the right ticket so get back to find a note for a fine on the windscreen. I scrunch it up and chuck it in the window. Sit down in the drivers seat.

My promise of not crying that I made to myself breaks down with every tear that drips onto the steering wheel.

I drive out of the airport, trying to hold every piece together, hoping when I get home she's there.

She is. She's gone inside and put her stuff in Coco's room. My eyes must still be red and puffy because dad pats me on the back when I walk in but doesn't speak.

Coco's standing halfway up the stairs, looking at me for any sign of emotion. I force a smile, which doesn't pass, and she shakes her head. "Come for a drive with me." It's not a request. It's an order.

We drive and drive and drive. I have no clue where we're going. Out of the city. Into the country. Then I start seeing signs I recognise. "Oh god, Coco, why?"

"I don't know. I liked this place. It was nice when I got you."

"But... Coco..."

I don't say it. We're driving to the forest where I slept one night before she came and got me. I know what we'll find there but she obviously hasn't realised yet. It's not until we get to the start of the national park that she gasps and slams on the brakes.

Both of us stare ahead at the black, burnt wasteland. Tiny patches of green break through the layers of ash that coat everything. 

"I'm sorry." She whispers. "I forgot."

I nod and sigh. "Yeah. I know."

For some reason this drive has made everything worse. Seeing how everything, although it's trying to recover, still bears the scars. 

"Time. Give it time." She murmurs. I look around. Maybe a year from now everything will bloom again. Maybe it won't recover. It gives me a little warm burning desire to heal like the forest.

Time. Give it time.