then ~ RUEL FANFIC~

Alira's POV

The pulsing inside my skull fills whatever sweet silence anyone else must be experiencing. Part of me feels like I'll black out from pain. Any move sends fresh waves of agony through the front of my head.

"Ruel." I murmur, worried raising my voice will hurt even more. "Ruel, wake up, please."

He doesn't stir.

Moving as slowly as possible, I swing my legs of the bed, and tiptoe across to the bathroom. 

I shut the door softly and turn on the lights, which immediately prove to be too bright for my currently sensitive eyes, so I flick them off again quickly. 

Something tells me to lay in the large, ceramic bathtub so I do, press against the side and receiving relief as the edges cool and soothe my head.

It's the only place I can lie comfortably and the throbbing lessens, eventually allowing me to fall asleep.

I wake at sunrise, and there's pink and orange light flooding the bathroom. It takes a few moments to realise what woke me but my eyes register him standing next to the bathtub, leaning over it, shaking me and looking concerned.

"Alira, Alira, are you ok?"

"Woah... chill, I'm fine."

"My god, you scared me, I woke up and you weren't there, and then-"

"Quit blubbering, I'm ok, talk slower."

"Talk slower? What?"

"I can't process what you're saying, slow it down."

"Ok. Why... were... you... in... the... bathtub?"

"Not that slow! It's comfy in here, it's cool against my head."

"Your head?"

"I've still got a headache."

"You've had a headache for 8 hours?!"

"Well apparently yes!"

He falls silent, running a hand across my forehead. "You've got a temperature."

"Hmph."

"Do you need anything?"

"Ice. A cup of ice."

"Ok. Wait here."

Like I was going to move, anyway. It takes way too long for him to come back, and by the time he does, a combination of all the talking so early and the bright light coming in the window has increased the pain a thousand times.

When he comes back in, i don't hesitate before asking another question. "Can you get the strongest anaesthetic pills you can find? There's a chemist down the road, please, please-"

"Ok, shh, I'll get them."

I hover in a state somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness, lose track of time and give up on any hope of moving.

"Alira?" I dont notice someone come into the room until they put a hand on my shoulder, and my eyelids flutter open, and god, fuck, it's Coco. I move too fast trying to look normal and sit up straight and collapse from the shooting pains.

"What the fuck is happening?! Where's Ruel? What happened?"

"It's just a headache, it's a headache, I'm fine."

"Are you hungover?"

"Yeah, probably, I don't know."

"Come get back in bed." I'm too weak to refuse so when Ruel comes back I'm curled up under the sheets and Coco's making hot tea and avocado toast, which apparently helps a hangover (which, by the way, I don't think I have.)

I take the pills and drink the tea and nibble on the toast but whatever I do, the headache just doesn't leave. It's just inconvenient and bothersome, and so, so, so fucking painful.

Its 1pm when Coco makes the call that the three of us will go home two days early. She's tired and doesn't want to make weird conversation with Xena at awkward post wedding celebrations, Ruel wants to go to the studio for something or other, and I'm craving the comfort of my own bed. Despite the pain I'm in, I resist, but she's harsh and drags me out to the car and we don't bother saying bye to anyone before driving off.

Maybe the headache is leaving because on the way home I manage to keep a conversation going about the different dresses that strange unknown guests wore to the wedding, or the different cocktails and how many people threw up and which cocktail caused the most drunken arguments.

"Some old bitch wore this disgusting red thing, but it wasn't red, it Was more like... Out of date toadstool brown."

"What!?"

"It's true! Didn't you see her, Coco, Coco, you saw, didnt you, the short wrinkly one?"

"No, you idiot, Ruel, I didn't see."

"Oh, come on, it was like... a dress-"

"Well, obviously."

"Oh my god, I can't believe you didn't see, you would've thought it was the funniest thing."

We arrive home at about 3, and it's a hot summery day. A warm breeze rustles through the plants and we drag our bags inside into the cool living room. Coco just drops us and goes home so then we're left alone again, finally. 

"We should unpack." Says Ruel, leaning over a suitcase and looking inside of it. I Go over and hug him from behind.

"No we shouldn't. It's a nice day, let's just chill out."

So we make strawberry lemonade and scones and by four thirty we're lying on the floor of the sunroom watching the sky turn orange and talking about life.

There's a silent minute or two in which I just playing with with his hair and making long loving eye contact when he sit up and looks away.

"Do you think you want kids?" He asks quietly. It's the first time this subjects been breached since I had the miscarriage, and my stomach turns.

"Yeah. Probably. You?"

He leans in and speaks into my neck, warm breath over my shoulder. "If you want them, then I guess so."

I can't help but grin. Any other time he's suggested things like this it's scary, because as much as I want it to last you can never be sure. But at this point it seems easy to maintain, and everything seems sure.

"Sounds good to me. And we can live in a house by the beach in Byron, and I can work in a little cafe, and we can surf, and you can... I don't know, go back to performing if you want."

"I do want. I've decided I want to."

My heart lifts. "Really?"

"Yeah. Really. I'll talk to Nate about it tomorrow, but I think if I go back I'll be able to manage it better this time. And now I know not to push myself as hard."

"That's perfect. I'm so happy. I can't wait."

We kiss and by this time the sun is setting, not as magnificent as it has been before, but the still air is warm and bright so there's nothing to complain about really.

Everything is good.