Sain Clare Academy (gxg, 18+)

Chapter Fifteen

Somehow I had managed to fall asleep in the infirmary for the second time in one semester. When I woke up, Katarina moved over to my side wordlessly.

"How are you feeling?" She said, her voice quiet. The mood was somber, which was unusual for her. I cracked a painful smile to attempt to lighten the room.

"Like shit," I assured her, and she returned my grin with a grimace of her own.

"That's not what I meant," she told me, "I meant... whatever that was, between you two." I winced.

"You heard that," I mumbled, a bit embarrassed.

"I watched the girl walk out with my own two eyes," she assured me, "she looked..." I was grateful when she stopped. Selfishly, I didn't want to know. Yet, a part of me did want to know-- the same part of me that wanted to reach out and grasp her hand as she left, to stop her and sit her down and kiss her and ease the loneliness she danced within.

"Yeah," I said, because I couldn't think of anything else.

Katarina's voice broke the silence.

"She came back, you know. After you had fallen asleep."

"..."

"I told her she couldn't see you, obviously because your transformation magic had worn off, but she seemed to think..." She trailed off. "I figured it was better that way, so... that's what I said. I told her you had told me you didn't want to see her. I hope that's okay."

I bit my lip, the corners of my mouth lifting sourly.

"No, that was perfect, thank you," I whispered, because I couldn't get my voice to raise any more than that.

"Can I ask... why?" She said, gently, as if she were afraid I would break. I wanted to laugh. I, who had witnessed the execution of my father with my own two eyes after he had been framed, break?

More than that, I wanted to laugh at myself for knowing despite all this that any loud movement might do just that.

"I couldn't ask her to stay," I told her, because if I did I would lose the ability to ever push her away again. Katarina leaned back in her rolling chair, folding her hands together on her lap.

"I mean, I get it," she said, "you only have so long before Olivia disappears and... she is the daughter of the duke." I stared at the ceiling. How could I ever forget it? Her silver hair glared at me every time I saw it.

"Yeah," I agreed weakly. "She is." Katarina sighed.

"Being an adult is so complicated. Wouldn't it be nice to be a student again, Morg? To be able to screw around without fear of repercussion, without burdens or responsibilities."

"Do I even deserve to imagine that?" I asked, a self-deprecating laugh bubbling past my lips. To live as Olivia, messing around with Elizabeth and May, feeling the freest I had ever felt before, to be able to smile with Grace, rest in her arms without fear of catching sight of her silver hair, without fear of her brother or the Duke or the Princess or anyone else.

"...Do any of us?" Katarina replied.

...

I was able to sit out of a lot of the sparring exercises after initial exercises in Professor Thruman's class, which, unfortunately, gave me the ability to watch everyone in the class. It was small, which didn't leave me with a lot of options.

Mostly I tried to keep my eyes trained on May and Elizabeth, the bruising lacing my body comparable to the dull ache in my chest whenever Grace accidentally crossed my line of sight. Martin made eye contact with me a few times, shooting me a grin I didn't care to read into the meaning of.