Belly Literary Universe (part 2)

Camilla's Clothes Part 5: Consult

Camilla's week was among the most stressful week's she could remember. Dutifully and aggressively she scheduled and kept appointments. She had blood work checked, genetic screening done, MRIs taken. Other projects fell to the backburner as she did her research and preparation.

Dr.Logus was extremely well reviewed. Aspera medical center was a leading hospital, and all the buildings and grounds were well maintained and beautifully designed. Each step toward the office brought her closer to her hopes and fears. It brought her closer to confirmation. To finality. To destiny. Her heart pounded in her chest and pressed into her throat. She rubbed her clammy hands together as if hatching an evil plan. She was even too preoccupied with her thoughts to even notice the subtle jab the nurse made at her haphazard outfit.

The walls of the exam room pressed in on her. Each click of the clock's mechanism was deafening. The medical instruments brought back painful memories. She wanted to bolt out of the doors and run away, but calmed herself by tapping her feet against exam bed's step.

"Knock knock. Hi I'm doctor Logus. Nice to meet you. You're Camilla Boldt, correct? Can I get you to confirm you date of birth for me?"

"Yup. 3/2/1987. That's me. Is this procedure going to work? What kind of chances are there? What about risks. Infection? Is there a way to minimize that? Because - ya know - you have my history and I don't want this all to be for nothing. Everything will function... as normal? Right?" All of her fears burst out of her mouth.

Dr. Logus grabbed Camilla's hands between his and locked his vibrant pale blue eyes onto hers. "I'm going to do what I can to help you. I think, based on your history, that's it's best that I lay things out as honestly as I can. What you don't need right now is false hope and vapid assurances."

Camilla nodded and squinted. " Yes. Right. What do yall think?"

"I think that this will be a risky surgery. There is a lot of scar tissue that could interfere with implantation. Your previous infections really turned your reproductive system into a battle ground -"

"As I've been told. Will this work though?"

"It will be difficult. It will really put this treatment to the test. But I believe that we can do this."

Tears nearly burst from Camilla's eyes. She covered her face and laughed. Hope. She took some tissues that Dr. Logus offered and composed herself. "I'm sorry. I've been so worried about whether this could happen or not that I haven't taken time to really process all the details. Can you run by them for me?"

Dr.Logus gave Camilla a firm pat on her shoulder. "Of course. The procedure is cutting edge. I'll be honest, I don't understand the specifics of how it works, but essentially we'll take tissue samples. Then using that genetic material we'll build you new organs. A new uterus. New ovaries. New connective tissue and nerves. Like I said. Cutting edge. We'll harvest your old eggs and use them in your new ovaries. It'll take a month for all the tissues to grow and then we implant them."

"And you'll take the old ones out?"

"No. We'll have to move them around, obviously, but the less cutting we do the better. It's the same way with kidney transplants. We don't remove the old non functioning kidneys, we just add a new kidney."

Camilla gave a tear filled scoff. "Just like that then? Yall are just gonna install a new set of organs? Just like that?"

"It's easier said than done. But it will be all your genetic information so no rejection worries. The biggest worry is going to be making sure you recover properly. We don't want all your new parts being damaged by new forming scar tissue. And then there is atypical risks with any new pregnancy. If the surgeon does well, then things should be positioned more or less correctly. Still The baby will likely have to come out at an odd angle. That may require C-Sections which as you know, increases risks of future scaring. Normally that's not much of an issue, but with your history it is of course a concern."

Camilla shook her head and laughed. "I have to do it. I've wanted this for so long. There isn't a damn thing I wouldn't do to make this work. Just tell me what I have to do."

"Lots of forms. We'll have to schedule you for appointments to gather tissue samples..."

***

Camilla left the office. With shaking hands she collapsed into a bench in front of building. She took a deep breath and tried to center herself. Focusing on her surroundings helped dull the overwhelming surge of emotions. Fear. Hope. Envy. Love. Apprehension. An ambulance siren echoed from the other side of the campus while alpine wind rustled the nearby evergreens. The scent of burnt diesel washed past her as a truck drove by. Her mouth was dry from talking and from nerves. After a deep breath she drew her shaking hand against the smooth wooden slats of the bench. Her fingernail caught in a carving. She traced the engraved heart and initials with one finger.

Now simply on edge instead of completely overwhelmed she pulled out her phone. Scared and hopeful she dialed a number from her contacts. It rang. Twice. Three times. Voice mail. She dialed again.

"What." A deep voice answered curtly.

"Oh, James. It's good to hear from you. How are you doing darling?"

"What do you want. You have to stop calling like this. It's been a year since you last tried. I haven't been your darling for over 5 years."

Camilla closed her eyes tight and bit her lip. "I know, I know. Just hear me out. I just saw a new doctor. It's the weirdest thing - I've got some connections now - made deals to get them - and I just got examined for this ne -"

"Stop. Just... Stop. You always find some new 'cure' or 'treatment' or 'healer'. You get lost in medical mumbo jumbo."

"No, this time it was different -"

"That guru was different too. That fake clinical trial was different too. You need to move on. You need to grieve and move on. I really wish you the best. Truly I do. But you have to stop working yourself up like this. Goodbye."

The line went dead.

Camilla hugged her knees to her chest. How can I be so close yet so far? I don't have time to find a husband or partner...

Caught in limbo between hope of despair she sat on that bench too unsure of what to do.

***