Chapter Thirty-Eight: My Heart Became A Void

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(Set Fire To The Rain - Adele)
"Kuai, baby, what's wrong?" Bi-Han asks. I blink, looking up from my book. "Huh?"
"You're crying and getting your book wet." I look down, wiping my tears away, then close the book.
"I'm fine." I answer. He doesn't look convinced.
"You are lying. Come on, you look stressed. Let me comfort you."

"Bi-Han, you don't have to." I murmur, feeling my cheeks burn. "I know, but I want to." He croons, holding his hand out. "Let's go to your room." I end up complying.
Once in bed, Bi-Han cuddles me like I'm a lost kitten he found in the rain. "You can tell me what is wrong."
"I'm," I rest my head in his chest, tears falling as I close my eyes. "just really scared."

"About what, brother?" He asks, sounding concerned.
"Losing you. You're the last family member I have. I-if I lost you..."
"Shhh. Shhh. Like I am going to leave." I feel him rub my back in slow circles. "Just cry it out. I'm right here."

I sniff, opening my eyes, then let out a soft whimper.
"That's it," he sighs, kissing my face a few times to cheer me up. I laugh, lowering my head in embarrassment. "There's the laugh I remember."
I look into his blue eyes, so full of warmth, but also slightly sad. Almost like he is trying to bury deep sorrow.

He smiles down at me, his grip on my body firm but gentle. "I love you, my brother."
****
-Kuai's POV- I jolt awake, feeling tears burn in my eyes. Fujin is asleep in the hammock near me, with Zodith asleep on his abdomen.
I stare up at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

I get out of my hammock, kicking up sand as I do so.
The moon shines high in the sky as the ocean's waves lap gently on the sand.

Once I am far away enough from the hut, I sit on the sand and look up at the moon. Then I sing to myself.
"I let it fall, my heart.
And as it fell, you rose to claim it.
It was dark, and I was over,
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me."

My gaze goes to the ocean, seeing the moon's reflection distort in the waves.
"My hands, they're strong.
But my knees were far too weak.
To stand in your arms,
Without falling to your feet.
But there's a side to you,
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say,
They were never true, never true.
And the games you play,
You would always win, always win."

I keep singing to myself, getting slightly louder.
"But I set fire to the rain.
Watched it pour as I touched your face.
Well, it burned while I cried.
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name,
Your name.
When I lay with you,
I could stay there.
Close my eyes.
Feel you here forever.
You and me together nothing gets better.
'Cause there's a side to you,
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say,
They were never true, never true.
And the games you play,
You would always win, always win.
But I set fire to the rain.
Watched it pour as I touched your face.
Well, it burned while I cried.
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name,
Your name...."

I sense someone behind me, but ignore them.
"I set fire to the rain.
And I threw us into the flames.
Well, I felt something died,
'Cause I knew that that was
The last time, the last time.
Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught must be waiting for you.
Even now when we're already over,
I can't help myself from looking for you.
I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face.
Well, it burned while I cried,
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name,
Your name."

That presence still lingers.
"I set fire to the rain,
And I threw us into the flames,
Well, I felt something died.
'Cause I knew that, that was the last time,
The last time....Ooohhh. Oh no.
Let it burn....
Let it burn!
Let it burn....Oooohhh..."

"Kuai."
I look over my shoulder to see Bi-Han standing there, looking worse than ever. His hair is a knotted mess, eyes with shadows under them and bloodshot.
"How did you find me?"

"We've looked everywhere. I was so worried. Why did you leave? Was it something we did?"
"No."
"If someone took you against your will, I swear..."
"Nobody took me, Bi-Han. I left on my own accord. I needed a break. I was becoming too stressed."

"Then...." His eyes fill with sorrow. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"So you instead vanish on us in a dire time?"
"I want to help Fujin fight off the remaining Titans."
"Fujin is here?"

"You seem shocked, brother." I say. "How are the others?"
Bi-Han sighs, shoulders slumping. "Stressed. Worried like me."
"Help aid Fujin and I, please." I plead, standing up in the sand and walking over.
"Those Titans are still a threat." I murmur.
He looks conflicted, weighing his options.

"If it means you will come back soon, then yes."
I sigh. "Thank you, brother. Rest. You look exhausted."
"We will speak of this more once dawn arrives."
"Okay." I say, pulling him into a tight hug and letting out my tears.

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