Dear Diary

Chapter 57

There is one moment in my life that I remember clearly. One of my older cousins had bought a house in a town about five hours away and wanted to throw a house-warming party. Our whole family had decided to make a weekend holiday of it.

I was sixteen at the time and assigned to sleep with my sister, Amy, Tyler and their two sisters. I can't remember what we were doing, but somehow Amy's knee had landed on top of the pillow I was lying on and I moved away, not knowing that beneath the pillow my hair had been trapped.

That was how my heart felt the moment those words left Amy's mouth. A moment of numbness as you hear the follicles get ripped out of your skull before the stinging pain hits you so hard that you feel as though your head is bleeding from the trauma and a handful of useless hairs are left in its wake.

Amy's words had shocked me into a state of silence as I stared at her dazed expression. Anne had tensed next to me. She knew what I was feeling - my partner in crime. She was the only one I confided in about my problems and feelings concerning Cole.

I suddenly felt like screaming from the months of frustration that had built up inside me. Was this the reason Cole had been ignoring me? Was he going after Amy this whole time? I took a mental deep breath as I clenched my hands and tried to steady my voice and face into a state of casual-surprise.

"Oh? And what did you say?"

 I hope she didn't hear the way my jaw clenched as I forced out those words.

"I-he ... well, I was kind of caught off guard and I ... um, said yes."

For the life of me I couldn't figure out where the sudden urge to punch her had come from, but if there is one thing I pride myself on, it would be the self-discipline of my emotions. No matter how badly I wanted to release my anger on her, I held my tongue. 

She was not the person I was angry with - it was Cole. He had thrown me for a loop, doing kind deeds for me, making me feel things for him and all at once cutting me off, without so much as an explanation.

No, I could not take out my anger on Amy. It wouldn't be fair. She was the victim here. How was she to know how I felt about Cole if I never told her? She was just doing what she thought was right. If a good-looking guy that you had worked on a play with for the last three weeks asked you to a dance, would you not accept?

"Oh, well, that's great, Amy," Anne had responded for me, seeing as though I was unable to speak. 

Heck, I couldn't even look at Amy I was feeling so torn. I should've known. I did know. I had a premonition this would happen. 

Cole has fallen for my cousin.

-

"Mom, come quickly!" I yelled as smoke rose from the pan while I ran around the kitchen like a chicken without a head.

"Lizzy, the heat's far too high!" My mom admonished as she quickly took the pan (which now contained black and brittle bacon) and placed it on one of the cool plates of the stove. 

I was busy learning how to cook and, as you can see, so far it's been a disaster.

I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair. 

"I'll never learn how to cook," I muttered despondently.

"Nonsense, you just need to practice," Mom said as she tossed the bacon into Dobey's food bowl. "But you better get it right soon or else Dobey's going to get too fat," she chuckled.

I managed a half-smile in return before I looked down at my fluffy sock-covered feet. For the past two weeks I've been learning how to cook and I still manage to cremate everything I touch and, as punishment, my mom would make me do the dishes. I didn't mind though. It was something to focus on other than him.