Dear Diary

Chapter 116

28 April 1996

Today was a different day for me, probably because it had something to do with the fact that it's my twenty-fourth birthday. 

I realise I haven't written in this book in about six years, which is saying something because I used to write in here all the time when I was younger. Mainly about my high school life ...  and Cole. 

However, a lot has changed in the past six years. I'm not the same person I was all those years back.

I can remember clearly how difficult it was, after I had gone to Cole's house all those years ago only to hear that he had left without a trace. I blamed myself for weeks after that and I wondered. I wondered constantly on what had become of him, where he was, if he was alright ... if he was still alive?

As the weeks dragged on I found myself leaving for university as I always dreamed I would. I studied hard, poured all my strength into my studies and gradually the pain grew less. I found myself thinking of Cole less and less until he was nothing more than a distant memory, a boy from my past. 

But he was always there, always in the back of my mind.

Every time someone showed an interest in me, his memory would resurface and I would find myself backing away from the attention. I was doing considerably well too, keeping my distance from any potential boyfriend ... until I turned twenty-one.

A young man by the name of Damian Lockwood forced himself into my world. He went to the same university I did. I was in my final year of theological studies when he introduced himself to me, but it didn't mean I didn't know of him before then. 

Damian was hard not to be known. He was the player of the campus, the guy every girl fell to the ground over. I heard of him from my first day at university. 

Not that I ever paid him any heed.

Yet one day he set his eyes on me. I knew what he was doing, he had a reputation of sleeping with every girl on campus, and that was something I didn't tolerate or had time to deal with. So I ignored him. But unlike the very few before him, Damian wouldn't give up so easily. I had to give him credit, he was a tough nut to break, and I didn't exactly make him trying to win me over easy.

But through a few series of events, I gradually opened up to him. I kept my guard up, but I went with him for coffee the odd time. However, I never let it get further than that because Cole's memory would always surface. There was no-one who could measure up to Cole. And it was a good thing I never let it get further than the odd coffee date because of what happened that same year over Christmas.

My relationship with Amy never mended after that whole ordeal in senior year, but that Christmas was the cherry on top for us never to reconcile. Because, that Christmas, Amy brought a boyfriend of hers that she's been with for a few months, and that boy was none other than Damian Lockwood.

I wasn't hurt by the reveal, because my heart was never really into the relationship in the first place, but it was the exact proof that I needed to see that a player would never change. He had his eyes on me long before going out with Amy. 

Of course, my nonchalant reaction to everything was nothing compared to Damian's when he realised exactly who Amy's family consisted of. He hid his shock well though, but I avoided him the whole evening. Not because I was ashamed, but I refused to give attention to someone who messed with girls' hearts so easily. Something I knew he did from before he even spoke to me.

But at one point in the evening he did manage to get me alone. While I was returning from the bathroom, he pulled me into one of the rooms, almost desperate to explain himself to me. Before he could say too much though, I told him I was not angry with him, just sad that he turned out like he did. When I attempted to walk away from him, he pulled me back by my arm and crashed his lips to mine.