Dear Diary

Chapter 79

For what felt like a solid hour I did nothing but stare at Cole completely frozen in shock. It was as though my mind had gone into complete overdrive, trying to comprehend what my ears just heard and short-circuited. A gentle squeeze to my hands brought me out of my dazed state.

"W-What?" I asked in a breathless tone. 

Maybe I didn't hear him right? Maybe I was still hyped-up over the bike ride here? Maybe he said 'loath' instead of 'love'? Yes, that must be it.

Cole took a deep breath as he stepped closer, looking deeply into my eyes. "I love you, Elizabeth." 

His eyes showed no doubt in his words, leaving me speechless. He sighed. "That's why I acted so weird at the dance; you were just ... so breath-taking in that dress and I was so enamoured of you that I couldn't think straight." He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again to stare at me. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable and ... if you're uncomfortable about this right now then tell me and I promise I'll never bother you again. You mean too much to me for me to hurt you again."

I couldn't help but stare at him bewilderment. How do you respond to something like that? I figured he liked me, but I never once thought ... 

I blinked, trying to fathom things in my mind. "I-I don't know what to say," I stuttered pathetically.

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. You deserve to know the truth."

Cole's eyes took on a completely different shade at that moment. It was a shade that I had never seen before in his eyes that the best way to describe it was that they looked like pools of melted chocolate; something I could delve into and never grow tired of. 

It's a good thing chocolate is my favourite food group.

"Bu-but why would you- I mean, I'm just ... me."

I was trying so hard to understand his feelings and words. They just couldn't be true. I'm not smart or breath-taking. I'm not tall or thin. I don't even have perfect skin or teeth!

"Exactly," Cole said with a soft look on his face, and I frowned in confusion. Cole looked down at our hands before back at me, taking a deep breath. "Why don't you believe me?" he asked with a sorrowful voice.

"Because it doesn't make sense," I muttered as I felt a blush rise onto my face. "I'm nothing to look at-"

Cole squeezed my hands and I stopped talking immediately as I looked up at him. He stared intensely into my eyes, a frown forming on his perfect face. "You think appearance is all I care about?"

I ducked my head in shame for him hitting the nail on the head and it was quiet for a moment. Cole sighed and let go of one of my hands to cup my chin. He forced me to look up at him. "Elizabeth ... don't compare yourself to anyone. Sure, looks are important but you should know that I'm not that kind of guy."

"I know, but-" I tried to defend myself, but Cole continued.

"I didn't just fall in love with your looks. I fell in love with the way you get so shy you stumble over words, the fact that you were horrible at maths, the way you knot your hair when you're stressed, how you enjoy every second with Dobey, and that loud burst of laughter you always do when you find something funny. I fell in love with all of it."

I stared at him dumbfounded. I had no idea he even noticed all those things about me.

Cole sighed and a look of resignation came over his face; a look that instantly bothered me. "I understand if you don't feel the same way. I get that I'm not your picture of a perfect boyfriend. I've messed up so many times and hurt you more than I'm ever proud of, but I just ... I needed to tell you."

I stared at Cole silently as he slowly let go of my hands and took a step back. I instantly missed his warmth and closeness. I pressed my lips together as I looked at the boy in front of me with, what I can only describe as, admiration. The fact that he was brave enough to tell me all these things ... I couldn't help but look at him in a new light.

Although I was insecure, I realise then that he was too. He thought he was not worthy of me, yet he didn't realise just how incredible he truly was. To me he is not the bad-boy with tattoos and a piercing gaze who always gets into fights. In my eyes, he's the boy who closed himself off to people due to his pain in the past, has the same tattoos on his left arm his father had in tribute to his parents, who fights for what he believes in. That's who Cole is to me; that's the Cole I fell in love with.

I slowly took a step forward, closing the distance Cole created, and gently grabbed his warm hands. 

"Who says I don't feel the same way?"

Now it was Cole's turn to look shocked as he stared down at me, jaw slack and eyes slightly wide. I gave him a small smile and squeezed his hands. There was no doubt in my mind that I cared deeply for Cole (probably deeper than he realised) and the fact that he, who was hell-bent on never falling in love, was allowing me into his heart was all the nudge I needed to tell him.

"I love you too," I whispered and looked down with a crimson face. "I would've told you sooner if I wasn't so shy and knew you felt the same, but ... because of my mom and not being allowed to date until I'm out of school, I sort of ... pushed it aside."

Cole wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me close while the other cupped the back of my neck and urged me to look up at him. 

"If you want me to wait, I will," he said earnestly.

I blushed and bit the inside of my cheek. Pushing all nervousness aside, I stood on my tippy-toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

"I don't want to wait," I whispered and felt my face burn from embarrassment at how sappy I just sounded. 

Honestly, this boy will be the death of me. But I know that, now that I know he feels the same way, I won't be able to hide my feelings as I have been. It would kill me. I needed him in my life as more than a tutor and friend.

Cole slowly bent down and leaned his forehead against mine. "Four months until we graduate," he murmured, his eyes watching my reaction closely.

I nodded. "I think I can keep a secret that long."

Cole smiled at me then, the first real smile that I had ever seen on his face and I swear I nearly died. If he was handsome before, he was drop-dead gorgeous when he smiled. 

"Are you sure?" he asked, a gleam of humour in his eyes, "You are a horrible liar, remember?"

I gave him a playful glare. "I think I'll manage. Only ..." I glanced at his lips and felt my stomach churn in anxiousness, "I'm just going to warn you right now that I have no idea what I'm doing so ..." I hinted, gesturing to the fact that I've never kissed anyone before in my life.

Cole gave a small chuckle as he nudged his nose against mine. "I'll take my chances," he said before pressing his lips to mine.