IT GETS BETTER WITH TIME. <NOT EDITED>

Chapter Thirty Four-negotiations

I wake up very early because of my nerves. Sleep was one awful thing, I kept turning and tossing all night. I've never been this afraid of something good.

So I simply decided that sleeping will make me more anxious and probably drive me into my own death, I'm better off awake.

"Who said you should clean?" gogo scolds me when she finds me wiping the last glass and placing it perfectly into the cupboard.

"I did a great job, right gogo?" I utter gracefully, turning around and looking at her.

"Please do me a favour and stay inside your room. Until your inlaws arrive," she pushes my back and sends me straight to my room.

What am I suppose to do now so I could be at ease?

I'm bored and I swear, this room will suffocate me.

It's been nearly three hours since I've been awake and my body is uncomfortably stiff and numb. Maybe I have to call Nathi, he might help with my situation.

Where are you? I text him instead.

If he has changed his mind, he better inform me now before I drive myself into a heart attack.

My phone rings.

"Nathi?"

"Sthandwa sam," he calmly utters and that just builds up my ridiculous nerves up.

Shouldn't he be as nervous as I am?

"Have you changed your mind about me?"
Okay, I sound ridiculous.

"No baby, we're just running late." I can simply make out the confusion in his voice.

"You know I'll comprehend if you've changed your mind." I place up and down my bedroom.

Emotional wrack, that's me.

"Why would you say that Busisiwe?" he utters lowly.

"Because you know. I don't think you deserve someone like me," I whisper, already feeling the tears threatening to come out.

Sbongi barges in and she immediately gives me a worried look when she acknowledges my typical behaviour.

"Stop saying things you'll regret. We've just arrived, so I'll be staying in my car. But once they're done, we'll talk."

I nod as if he can see me, defeatedly tossing my phone on the bed.

"What's wrong, why the hell are you crying?"
I rest my butt on the bed and inhale deeply, trying by all means to keep myself sane.

I wouldn't blame anyone for acting this way, especially when you're aware that the person you're about to marry is deserving of someone who is perfect. How can he, out of all the waomen, choose me? I've been raped for years, abused and sadly lost my parents. I'm damaged goods and that's the sad fact I'll never ever escape from.

From my bedroom, we can here our clan names being said loudly and my body quivers.

This is really happening?

"Busi?"

"I thought maybe he has changed his mind about us," I utter through sobs, shutting my eyes in the process.

"And why would you think that?"
She seats next to me.

Isn't it obvious?

"I mean, I've been through alot. He deserves someone better, better than me, Sbongi."

Now that he'll pay lobola, I really find it very hard to believe he chose me, to be his.

"I think that's his decision to make, not yours. That man loves you, and if he wanted someone else, I bet he would have had that person," She says softly while soothing my back for comfort.