IT GETS BETTER WITH TIME. <NOT EDITED>

Chapter Fourty Four-sarrow

Busi's POV

Last time I felt this lost and deserted was years back, when I lost both of my loving parents. I felt heartbroken and defeated, it was even worse because I was starting to understand what death is. They left me to suffer, I sometimes thought that. I let them go though, I lived to understand that it wasn't their fault.

But for some reason, this pain is different. It's deeper and stronger than I would have imagined. I do acknowledge where this pain comes from. It comes from resentment of the past, from being separated from the people who would have taken good care of me, who would have made my childhood memorable, who would have made me very, very happy.

But what did life give in return?

Two years, I've known her for two years and a couple of months for crying out loud. But she's gone and never coming back to any of us.

I'll never hear that deep bold voice that sung every morning, that beautiful smile she always had even though she had a tough life, her warm embraces that she gave are gone with her and my favourite jam taunt is gone, she is just no more.

When I saw both the twins breaking down right infront of me, I felt selfish for even breaking down more than them. I mean this was the woman who raised both of them and I have no right to cry more than them because truly speaking, they knew her better than I ever did.

For some reason I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't just accept her death, I just needed her more.

To my suprise though, the twins didn't mind me crying and going crazy. Maybe they're just sympathizing with me.

God this is the worst feeling ever and I despise it.

"Do you remember that one time when I pretended to be you and you were me, Bongi?"
Sbongi's voice invades my deep thoughts and I seat up straight from my bed to listen clearly.

"God yes I do. I know I should have stuided for that test but I was to depressed to even study for it," she laughs lowly, a sad laugh.

She snuggles close to me and uses my thighs as her pillow.

"Mom was so mad when she found out but gogo was like, you did the right thing my girl. You both have to be there for one another. Do it again if it means protecting your sister, gogo was the best," she sobs.

I'm jealous, I wish I had a memory of my own to share about her from my childhood.

My thoughts drift to Nathi, blocking their conversation.

I wonder how he's holding up. I haven't seen him in days, we both have to mourn separately and it even hurts more that I can't comfort him.

I know for sure his trying his best to hold up, not that I expect him to. He lost both of his grandparents, the only people who were mostly there for him since they've raised him up. It must be tough but it even breaks me that he wants to be strong for the both of us.

I just need him to let it out, only then will he heal and feel a little better.
His family has suffered a great loss. Two amazing people whom I've grown fond of are gone too, two of the best, who made my man the man he is today.

This must be a nightmare.

"Busi, please don't cry," Sbongi utters.

I didn't even notice I was crying.

"Life is really not fair," I sob more, uncontrollably.

I cry until the sore headache pains unbearable and darkness takes over my body.