IT GETS BETTER WITH TIME. <NOT EDITED>

Chapter Fourty Six-triplets

You know life is not always white, right? We all go through dark phases in life and mine have been unbearably a lot. It sometimes feel like a punishment.

We go through the worse of the worst but did you know the key to beat the darkness?
Faith, is the key. Forgiveness, is the key. Love, is the key. Believing, is the key. And hope, is the key too.

But why do I feel defeated? Why do I feel like everyone I'm surrounded with are just feeling pity for me?

I know they hate me, this is just pretence. I've hurt them, so why don't they just let me suffer alone in peace?

Guilt is not child's play. Your heart burns like it's being boiled with acid, your mind creates torturous voices you can't even get rid off and you automatically feel like you're drowning.

That's how I feel.

"Are you seriously just gonna stare at a blank T.V screen?" Sbongi utters, staring down at me.

I remain still and cover myself more with the wool fluffy blanket.

"Coffee," she throws herself next to me on the couch, with a coffee mug on her hand

"Thanks," I smile and take the coffee from her hold.

This tastes good. I've been yearning for it all day.

"So?" she furrows her brows.

"What?" that comes out hushly. Not exactly what I intended.

"What's wrong with you?"
Gladly she doesn't mind my out burst.

"Yeap, what's up with you? Shouldn't you be back at your place? The funeral was like two weeks ago?" Bongi utters from the kitchen.

Shouldn't she be at work?

Either way, how do you tell your sisters you're pregnant again? With triplets, when Mpendulo is just nearly three? Or the fact that I may have broken things off with Nathi because I feel so gulity?

I can still see his face that held so much more emotions when I told him I'm not good enough for him.

"You're awake. Oh thank goodness," he kisses my forehead just as my eyes gradually open, trying to adjust to the bright light of the room and I scan my surroundings.

Hospital? How and when?

"You passed out at the cemetery yesterday. Your mom called me. Lord you freaked me out," he smiles but it looks rather sad than realived.

For some weird reason, I can't look at him. It's hard for me, so I just decide to keep my eyes shut instead.

"Khanyi is outside, she wants to..."

"No. Tell her not to come in," I utter.

"Why?" I feel him brush my cheek

"I....I don't want to see anyone Nkosinathi," I open my eyes to see a small frown on his beautiful face.

How can a person look so perfect without even trying? Even after going through hell.

"Something is bothering you. What is it?" he moves away from me and takes a sit right next to my hospital bed.

This is my chance to know the truth about the hatred his family has for me.

"Busi?" he questions.

"I'm sorry," I choke out.

"Sorry?" he looks at me confused.

"Yes. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused your family," I keep my eyes shut again.