Completely and Utterly Broken

Chapter Six

*Be Warned: Rape Trigger*

The next day, I had a huge hungover. So I skipped school. Not like anyone would miss me there. But then I have to face my uncle. I took a shower to clean myself. And put some more neosporin on my bruises.

I walked down to the kitchen, getting myself a bowl, and poured myself cereal. I ate standing up, looking at the staircase. Watching, waiting for my uncle. When I finally finished my breakfast, he came. I tensed up, feeling small around him. I hugged myself, and turned to him. He had on sweats, and a gray shirt on, no shoes or socks. He had major stubble on his face. Making him look older. He sighed when he saw me, and rubbed his forehead.

"I thought you'd be at school."he says. And he then also gets a bowl.

"Well I'm not. 'Cause I've also have a hungover. Not that you would care."I state.

He looks at me. "You went to a party?"he asks.

I shrug. "Yea."I reply.

"Didn't I ever tell you not to go parties?"he says.

"No."I reply. "You never tell me what I can and can't do."

He sighs again. "Well then, fine that's just fine. Not that I care about you, right?"he says, and laughs bitterly.

I look down, and shake my head. "No. No, you wouldn't."I say.

Then I tense, 'cause I can feel him beside me. He touches my hair, and pulls a lose piece behind my ear. He takes my face, cupping it. He looks down at me, stroking my cheeks. And I stare at his hair. To distract myself for the shivers of disgust and fear I have from him touching me; squeezing my arms tightly and biting my lips. Its pretty long for a guy, as least thats what I think. It goes to the end of his earlobe. And its all black for some reason. My dad's hair was brown, just like mine. And I can see the gray starting to form. Its ugly. He's ugly.

His hands go to my waist, tugging on my shirt. Then he kisses me, roughly forcefully. And sticks his tongue down my throat. I don't do any, I don't gag, I don't try or push him away. I'm numb, I don't feel anything. I pretend I'm not there. But its so hard.

He rips my shorts down, and throws it somewhere. He grabs my butt and rubs it. He lifts me, and sets me on the cold counter top.

He sighs, and plays with my hair. "I'm glad you're listening."he comments. And I close my eyes. "I don't have to punish you like the last time."he says.

And with that, he pulls down my underwear. And I start to hyperventilate. But for some reason, he thinks I like it. And he lick... there. And I whimper, I hate this. I hate this feeling he gives me. He makes me feel small. I try to image I'm not there. That I'm happy. My parents are alive. We live in our huge house. Big pool, with my own huge room. And we have a game room, and workout room.

This isn't happening
This isn't happening
This isn't happening!

But no that can't happen, the kitchen is filled with his moans. As he sucks on me. I cry out, but he thinks I like it. He stops, and I can breathe. My closes are still closed, millions of tears falling onto my cheeks.. So, I don't see what he's doing. But suddenly, I feel his hands on my butt again. And I feel something there. Then I realize what it is. My eyes snap open, and I look down.

And turn to move away. Shaking my head, my lip quivering. I try to push him away, but he holds me tightly against him. "No! No! No! No! Please don't do this!! No, no, please!"I yell. But he doesn't listen, he just seems like he's in his own world. Breathing heavily, and his head on my neck. My body shakes, I can't stop it, I can't stop it. I punch at his shoulders, over over, weakly.

He's never done anything like this to me. I'm still a virign! He would just lick me there, or finger me. And it was a terrible feeling. I would beg for him to stop. But he would laugh in my face. More tears slides down my face.

But then he does it. He slams into me. And I cry, no, I scream. Pain erupes everywhere. and try to hold onto something. I try to stop him, I punch at him, the hardest I can, pull his hair, hard, I push and push. It does nothing.
He just does it... again and again, and again. And all I can do is scream. While the tears pour out. It hurts so bad, I don't think its supposed to feel that way.

He doesn't stop. It never stops. Slamming into me, again and again and again. And the kitchen is filled with my cries, and his groans and grunts. It felt like hours 'til he stops. He breaths heavily, not moving away, not moving out. I whimper, and my nails dig into his hands, for somehow through the whole thing he pinned my arms down, I can feel me shoulders aching. Everything aches. I feel him smile against my neck, then he kisses me long and hard. Then he finally pulls out, and puts his pants back around his hips.

He smiles at me, once he's done, he plays with my hair. He pulls me toward him, and he kisses me sweetly. And I let him. I just sit there, limp, miserable, in shock. Once he's done kissing me. He pulls away, stepping back.

"Well, you can be here for today. But tomorrow you're going to school. I'll be out today. So, you'll be alone. Is that ok?" he says, as if he didn't... as if nothing just happened.

I look at him, he disgusts me. I hate him. I hate him so much. I don't trust myself to talk, so I just nod. He sighs again, then he kisses my forehead, I cower away, but his hand tenses against my neck, I still. He leaves. And I sit there, for hours, for a couple minutes, seconds, for... I don't even know until I realize I'm half naked on the counter. So, I get off, grab my clothes, and walk, well more like limp, to my room. And I take another shower. To try wash off this disgusting feeling of what he did to me. I cry and cry, I scrub and scrub and scrub. Nothing helps.

He took my virginity, the only thing I held safe. To myself, hoping, just hoping... But no, he didn't give me a choice. Of course he didn't, he just used me for his own pleasure. While I just sat there. I hate...

He's a monster.
He's evil.

I sit there, crying for him making me feel small, weak, for making me hate myself. Exactly the feeling I left to Andrew last night. Exactly the feeling I never wanted to feel again. But yet, here I am. And I can't do anything about it.

This can't be happening.

But it already did. I sob into my arms.

Edited 11/23/18