Memories || Wonu ff

seventeen

Ji Young

"So that's where my name came from." I mumble to myself as I flip the page.

And just like the first day I found this book, the next page after so many journal entries is blank. Don't know why I expected to have text magically appear when I knew it was going to stay blank. I assume he wasn't able to write more after so many life events got in the way. Despite knowing that that's where the story ended for them, I still flipped through the pages to make sure I didn't leave anything else unread. Once getting to the end of the book, I found a polaroid photo tucked between the last few pages of the journal. 

Carefully taking out the photo, I'm met with a photo of mom and dad on their wedding day. Similar to the other wedding photos found in the album, but this one felt like it had more emotional ties to it than the others. They were facing each other, dad leaning down a bit and she had her head tilted up so they look each other in the eyes while she held a bouquet of multicoloured tulips and peonies between them. The love in their eyes were evident just from a glance.

Mom wasn't wearing  traditional white dress either, instead she was wearing a lilac wedding dress and a jewelry flower crown. Her gorgeous hair naturally cascaded down her back.  While dad has a more traditional suit worn, the blazer he was wearing was dyed lilac to match her dress. His hair was fluffed up and curly and he had a lapel of a peony pinned over his heart.

I shouldn't keep this away from him any longer.

Although heartwarming and sweet with melancholic undertones, my curiosity had be sated and it was time to put his journal back while he was still occupied. Once I return it, then I'll be able to figure out when and how I can bring it up to him.

Quietly sneaking down the stairs, I lean into the living room to see that dad was still occupied with whatever TV show he's watching. Quietly opening the door to his study, I flick on the lights and look around the room. His study has been looking a lot more neater than usual these past few weeks. It looks odd, but it's nice to see he's being organized again.

Stopping in front of the shelf, I look down at the journal one more time before taking a deep breath and placing it back into it's rightful spot.

"So you finally decided to return my journal, hm?" I suddenly hear dad behind me, causing me to jump. Shocked, I was speechless about how to react to him hearing me go into his study along how he knew that I took his journal.

"Did you find what you were looking for? Did you get all the answers you needed?" he leaned against the door frame and continued to question me in an indistinguishable tone.  

"How... how did you know that I took it?" was the only question I could muster up.

He lets out a dry laugh "The only time I took my journal off that shelf was a few months ago to reorganized my bookshelf properly. And before that, it hadn't left that spot for almost 18 years."

I didn't know what to say.

What do I do now? How do I even bring it up?

"Hey I found out about my mom and noticed she's quite absent. what's that all about?"

"When did you find out, sweet pea?" his question brings me out of my thoughts, mainly the sound of wavering in his tone voice- almost as if he was going to cry "When did you start wondering?"

Looking down, I let out a sigh as I tell him truthfully "On my field trip a few months ago. I was looking for the washroom when I overheard you and Mr. Lee talking. I... I couldn't help but wonder after that."

He nods and heaves out a sigh as he quietly says "I didn't think you'd find out this soon, but I did teach you that if you get curious, you go and do your own research." 

"You're not upset?" I ask.

"What? No. Of course not." He shakes his head as he stops leaning on the door frame and straightens his posture "I was planning on telling you once you got older and when I was 100% ready to talk about it."

I suddenly felt guilt sinking in as I lowered my head, only for dad to move my chin up so I can look at him.

"Sweet pea, I already told you I'm not mad." He reassures me, tears welling up in his eyes "I'm glad you decided to learn what you now know. It's my fault. I've always avoided talking about it for years, and you finding out this way? Maybe... maybe it was a sign that I should stop being a coward and finally bring it up with you." 

"Stay in the living room after dinner, I owe you an explanation." Was all he said before patting my head and leaving the room.

Unsure how to process it all, I just slid down and sat on the floor of his study. I was both nervous and excited to finally learn the whole truth.

The truth about Kang Seo Hyeon.

The truth about what happened to her.

The true emotions and pain that dad's been hiding behind a mask this whole time.

It's nerve wracking, but it's time to hear the full truth.

I guess there's only one way to find out.