My Truest Identity

Chapter 3: The Divine Longing

As the deer longs for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, O God. My being thirsts for God, the living God. When can I go and see the face of God?
Why are you downcast, my soul; why do go groan within me? Wait for God, whom I shall praise again, my savior, and my God.
-Psalm 42:2-3,6

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Since the day she has first met the twin her life changed, she seldom went to bars and drink alcohols, she becomes sensitive to her surrounding, more aware of her conscience
and the word change and conversion everyday knock in the door of her heart. 

" Notice the ravens," Acqua broke the silence as they were in the park contemplating the refreshing nature. "They do not sow or reap; they have neither storehouse nor barn, yet God feeds them. How much more important humans than birds," she continued. Princess was in deep silence.
" Notice how the flowers grow. They do not toil or spin, yet God dresses them. If God so clothes the grass in the field that grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for humans?" It was Blood. They were recalling one of the passages in Holy Scripture.
"If that's true how I wish I was a flower or a bird so that I can be free from all life's anxieties and tribulations," Princess replied bitterly with a sad tone.

Sangue: Aren't you happy to be a human?
Princess: With all what I've experienced. I'm not. So many times I rented that I was created.

Upon hearing her answer, Acqua stood up.
Acqua: Why are you hiding yourself being a narcissist and pessimist person.
Princess can you live freely without treating yourself as a victim of the past. Your victim mentality hinders you to be happy and to be the person God wanted you to be. You're not the cause of your mom's death.

Princess paused and tried to absorb her words.

Princess: I Am! Dad killed her because I disobeyed him. If I wasn't born maybe she's still alive. Does God care? Why there are death, suffering, and pain? Why there's much poor roaming around the world? Why there are many street children here who are hungry and homeless? Are humans really important to them?

This time it's the twin turned to be silent.

" Why aren't you responding? ANSWER ME!" Princess demanded them.

Blood: How will we answer you if your pride is so high, your arrogance is so wide and your hatred is so deep. Still, it's useless if you won't humble yourself and listen.

Acqua: Instead of questioning God, why not, try to question yourself? Or put yourself in the shoes of God.
Don't come back home without an answer.

Then the two disappeared.

Alone in the park, she intently looking at the street children and beggars trying to find an answer.
Then she noticed the dirty children with tottering clothes who were happily playing.
The beggars were sweetly smiling whenever they received something even if it's a single coin.
She was fascinated by seeing them happy even though they were poor and lacking many things.
She stood up to go for a coffee when two little kids hold her hands. The one holding her left hand was a boy and at her right was a girl. They were street children too.

Boy: Ms. Beautiful can you play with us.
Princess: I can't.
Girl: Why not?
Princess: Simply because I'm already a lady.
Boy: No, though you're a lady you can still play, my elder siblings, my parents, and grandparents are still playing with us.
Girl: Yeah! Let's go.
And they pulled her into the playground where the other children were waiting.
Princess: Wait! I said I can't.
Boy: Don't worry Ms. Beautiful, surely you will enjoy the game.
Girl: Maybe you're scared to get lost.
She said while grinning at her.