A Dive Into My Mind

The One Who Left

If you were a computer with all the answers in this world, I'd question the hell out of you. You have not got the slightest clue as to how many questions have been piling up in my head regarding why you did anything at all. If you ever read this, maybe it'll make you believe that I truly am a nutcase, which you readily contradict.

I assume you're happy now? At least I'd hope you are getting all the peace from the emotional drama and trauma of being burdened with a relationship. I can see you shake your head in disagreement because both you and I know that was a lie, don't we? I know you deserve the peace, the last one year has been tough on you, but I don't think your life is any less complicated than what it was four months ago. You still are that sad little boy who wanted to make everyone happy, even if it meant that all the sadness came to you. No matter how much you hate being that discontent with life. I know that boy, the one I fell in love with, is still alive in that locked soul; hidden somewhere in that ass behavior you're trying to so desperately adopt, I guess to distract yourself.

I've heard that if you truly love someone, you should learn to wait, because when the time is right, you will reunite with them. But what if our paths never cross again? What if you don't magically return to me? What if I'm left as just a faded memory , a wrong stain on your glass mural? I know, I know, I'm too young to talk about this, and it may not have much value in the future, as some people would say, but they're wrong. It does matter, and it will matter when I'm lying on my death bed because you brought joy to my life and will forever remain important to me, even if I'm not to you.

I understand the reason you left and I will never hold that against you. But is that not allowed to make me sad? You still haven't told me about the day I may have made you cry, maybe it's because you're protecting me from something I'd hate myself for, who could know? How can anyone expect me to just fall out of love for you? Your actions speak louder than words and all the favorable ones are constantly winning the battle in my mind against the wrong ones.

Did you really absolutely have to leave? I love you and denying that makes me hate myself. I know I'm too young to know what love is, but I guess I'm just a hoe for a happily ever after, even if it's short.

Love,

A