Killing Is Forgiving - (Killer Croc x Reader)

9. - A Memory/Bright Places, Pt. I

"My thoughts are stars I can't
fathom into constellations."

-John Green-

━━━ • ✙ • ━━━

((Y/n)'s P.O.V.)
16 months before the incident

"Come on, the view will be worth the while," Janice entreated, tugging my sleeve, giving me her puppy-eyes.

I let out a nervous chuckle as I gently pushed her arm away. She noticed my reluctance and retracted her arm, but that's not the end of her irksome demeanor. But truth be told, I love it when she's annoying me, but right now, positivity was just not the time. "(Y/n), come on. You know I really miss that smile of yours, right? And don't worry 'bout my boyfriend. Probably he's ogling at another pretty girl right now. And don't worry, I ogle at hot boys too, so I guess that's equal."

I grinned no matter how hard I tried to restrain. Janice is my muse. She is the one and only. Honestly, stargazing seems pretty lit, especially knowing that it's one of the things I wanna do before I die. But, after tonight, my soul was too weary to be optimistic, and all I wanted to do right now was to be a bummer. So, I became one. "You know, Janice? I'm just too tired after... Well, you know."

"Oh," was the only response she uttered, but her countenance and the way her cheery smile waned told everything. "Well, thanks for tonight. I mean it. And sorry for being a party-pooper. Again," I convinced, caressing her hand.

"Party-pooper? You've always been one. But don't worry, I've always been one too."

I grinned, shaking my head intently. "No, you're not, Janice."

Janice gave me a brief, wistful smile, then responded, "So, you're very sure you want to miss this once in a lifetime experience? I mean, it's a comet we're talking about!"

Janice: Obdurate, talkative, and one of a kind. That's what makes her Janice, what makes her her. For me, it's impossible to not like her no matter how annoying she acted most of the time. She's not just the missing piece of my life, she is my life. But tonight, I just wanted to be a killjoy. I just wanted to be a troubled, pathetic, sensitive, and selfish person tonight. I just wanted to be not okay tonight. But, I didn't want to let her know that since I was free from doubt that it would only make her feel sad, and I abhor seeing Janice being sad like I always did. I'd just let her think that I needed some space, while In reality, I just wanted to be broken entirely so I wouldn't have to worry about me being fragile anymore once I'm entirely broken.

And not to be cocky and all, but I'm pretty sure she also abhors seeing me like this. But then again, I just wanted to be a killjoy tonight, even when it meant killing the joy of my only friend.

"Janice, please?"

She sighed, succumbing herself. "Fine. But you just made me the saddest girl in the universe tonight."

"You're one to say that," I responded, scoffing. She rolled her eyes indifferently.

Until she started fiddling with the mouth of her coffee mug, left me wondering whether she had taken her meds or not. It also left me wondering why hadn't I met a therapist while I need one, until I realized that I was broke as fuck. Though, come to think of it, I'd handled myself pretty well right up until now.

With the help of four failed suicide attempts ever since I was a kid, that is.

I snorted a chuckle as I stabilized the cup of coffee in my hand so it wouldn't spill a drop. "You can just do that by yourself, you know?"