Where Light and Darkness Meet (Part One of the Pallona Saga)

III

Chapter III
Memory

A mind full of nightmares still haunts me even after I wake at dawn. I see Ben killing the friends I'd grown up with. I remember being buried under the rubble of our group's hut, where my bed used to be only feet away from Luke's greatest apprentice. And I remember him turning around to see my broken body, staring at me with a darkness I'd never known him to be capable of, before he and his followers fled to follow Snoke.
Ensuing my nightmares come memories from my past, memories I had thought I'd forgotten about: My mother telling my older brother and me stories about the Jedi and the Skywalkers. Fleeing our home on Kijimi to escape oppression from the Stormtroopers. The time I realized I was Force sensitive when I felt my brother dying at the hand of the First Order. I even recall wandering the hills of the Outer-Rim planet, Zeffo, where my mother chose to relocate us. Lastly, as vivid as if I were seeing it with my own eyes, me leaving Zeffo on my mother's rusted, beat up ship to find Luke Skywalker after she died of disease.
The memories fade quickly as I step outside, greeted by the chilly sea air and Porgs wailing in the distance. Luke's hut is barred shut, and it makes me smile slightly knowing that it must be one of his better days. He never sleeps when he feels especially shameful of what he tried to do to young Solo, so I can only hope that, even just for today, he's forgotten about his mistakes and can sleep peacefully. I hike to the Jedi temple, where I thumb through the old pages of one of the Jedi texts. The symbols and words comfort me, giving me clarity on who I am and who I came here to be as a young girl. Ben Solo got lost somewhere on his path, and hasn't been able to find himself. I promise myself to never forget my own path or where it will lead me. The Jedi are composed of Luke and me now, so I feel an obligation, an extra responsibility, to carry on the legacy of the once-great Jedi Order.
But as I continue to flip through the pages of the sacred texts, I feel a dark place gnawing at the back of my head. The Force thrums through it, and I see flashes of a hole: a black hole surrounded by some sort of root or other growth.
It calls me, and even though I know I should not give in to the temptation of this dark place, I follow it anyways.

Sea spray rises against the stony cliff where the hole is located. I get down on my knees to peer inside, but all I can make out is perhaps the steady wave of water. The Force is strong with this place; I feel its energy rack my body as I gaze downward. Suddenly, I'm yanked into the hole's depths and hit cold, hard water.
Another memory envelopes my thoughts, this one of my older brother, Kaelic. He's being dragged away by First Order recruiters on Kijimi, while I scream for them to bring him back and my mother wails in the corner of our small house. Kaelic's cries echo underwater, and I want nothing more than to escape them. I surface coughing and gasping for air, climbing up a rocky shore.
Before me is a wall, but not a wall at the same time. It's reflective like a mirror when I approach it, but from the shore it appears to be no more than stone. I look at myself through the oddly clear barrier. My once intricately braided, platinum-blond hair is now in tangles from falling into the water, my sun-touched skin is covered in freezing droplets, and my Jedi robes—steely gray with a weathered navy belt—are soaked through. I gaze at my own pair of icy blue eyes, and when I reach out to touch the wall, a feeling of peace rushes over me. I feel myself in a strange loop; behind me is myself, and behind myself is another me. Looking forward is the same thing. A sort of infinite reflection that should scare me but doesn't.
I walk forward, the sound of my wet robes rubbing against my skin magnified by all of my reflections. I move forward until I meet another wall, this one cloudy and non-reflective. It seems to whisper in my ear, its Force energy urging me to ask for something I desire. No Jedi would ever give in to such things, but Luke Skywalker's words, "Always second best," run through my mind until all I can think of is: Ben Solo.
He was my friend, my partner and match on the battlefield. He may be gone, but I still miss his laughter and his massive hands that were always strangely soft. I touch the murky wall, not realizing until now that I'm saying, "Please." Over and over again, thinking of the friend that took my life away.
A figure approaches on the other side, stopping in front of me. Its hand reaches to meet my own, still pressed firmly against the cold stone, and as the fingers touch my own, the fog on the other side clears away to reveal him. For a split second I think—I hope—that Solo is on the other side, but my older brother stares glassily at me through the barrier. He's still a boy, so I'm forced to gaze down at his hungry face, his long legs and black hair given to him by our unknown father. He has those little purple bags under his eyes that he always got from having nightmares, but they seem less noticeable compared to those clear, electric blue eyes I forgot about. Those are my mother' eyes. Seeing both my brother and my mother makes me want to cry, but in another fleeting moment, he fades away, leaving me to stare at myself again.

I can't seem to get warm even though it's been hours since I left that awful hole. The cold clings to me like a blanket—or a shadow, which would be more fitting. Guilt lingers as well. I shouldn't have given in and let my personal desires lead me down a dark path in the Force. Master Skywalker would be more frightened than angry, something neither of us can afford to bear. He's been pent up in his hut all day, leaving only to fetch water. I know it'd be futile to persuade him to eat, but I leave food at his door anyways.
Despite my guilt, I can't stop thinking about what that place—who that place—showed me this morning. It was only for a moment, but Kaelic's pale face was clear, and his hand felt as real as it did ten years ago as it slipped through my fingers. I couldn't have imagined it. But even if I did, one thing is becoming more and more certain the more I spend my days here in exile on Ahco-To with old Skywalker: I must face Ben Solo again. I wasn't able to save my brother from the First Order, but if I hurry, I might be able to save him.