Where Light and Darkness Meet (Part One of the Pallona Saga)

X

Chapter X
Push

     When Ben returns a week or so later, I don't jump at his presence and dive right into my rambles against him like I used to. This will take time, and it took me six-ish years on Ahch-To and then nearly a month on Starkiller Base to realize that. Luckily, one of the skills I accelerated at as a young padawan was patience—it was the one thing I was better than Solo at. There's a manual in my bedside table that I pull out, flipping through the complicated diagrams and instructions as Ben marches into my quarters, the automatic door to my bedroom door sliding open to reveal his tall, black figure.
     I ignore him, reading through the manual's pages silently while BB-3 moves around the middle room, doing some sort of daily routine.
     The silence stretches on as I pretend to read and Ben stares at me—unmasked this time. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from suddenly laughing just to break this awful tension.
     "Snoke demands you pay him a visit."
As slowly as I can, I put down the manual, sit on the edge of the bed, and cross my legs delicately. I stare at him for a long moment, and again I have to refrain from laughing. This time because of how ridiculously angry and uncomfortable he looks right now.
     "No," I finally say, making it as airy and casual as possible. "I don't think I'll be paying him a visit anytime soon. Or ever, actually."
     "You're not in charge here," he snaps back, making this all too easy.
     I pause, looking him up and down, and he even shifts under my gaze. He wasn't expecting this, I realize. He expects me to fight my battle every moment, to be direct and impatient. He's about to find out just how patient I can be.
     "Oh, come now. A pretty girl like me should not be expected to face a wretched old man like Snoke. Wouldn't you agree?"
     Ben turns ever so slightly red, clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably on his feet again.
     "You will see the Supreme Leader." He pauses, trying to play his usual game with me. "Ah. That's it. You're scared. Afraid that if you see him again you'll turn and betray Skywalker."
     "Hmm. No, actually," I say, looking upwards and biting my lip as if I'm thinking hard about something. "I simply don't want to be repulsed by his haggard appearance. You understand, don't you?"
     "You're impossible," he says, the anger beginning to show in his eyes. I want to push him this hard, I want to see him break.
     "No, I'm not, Ben. I'm simply refusing you. Strange, perhaps you don't understand me because the dark side has muddled your mind. You're not as good as reading people as you once were, you know."
     "You forget yourself."
     "You forget yourself. I know who I am Ben Solo. Do you?"
     He doesn't reply, so I push.
     "I've seen your future. The future in which you turn and follow your own path. Not Snoke's, not the First Order's, not even Skywalker's. Isn't your freedom more tempting than power, Ben?"
     He's trembling now, cowering under my words as if fire is spitting out of my mouth. I narrow my eyes at him, watching as my words cut deep into his skin and make him crawl. A Jedi would never, but I revel in seeing him squirm under my gaze. I love and hate how powerful I feel, even though I'm sitting before him in a prison he insists on keeping me locked up in.
     "I can't!" He breaks, giving me everything I want without even realizing it. I decide it's time to face him, so I do. I tentatively place a hand on his shoulder, keeping enough distance so it's less intimate. I can't push him too hard, now.
     "Why not," I whisper. "Why can't you?"
     "I don't have the strength, Evangeline. I wasn't strong enough then and I'm not strong enough now. But I know what I have to do."
     "I hope you do," I say, quietly. "I just hope that it's the right thing, Ben."