Where Light and Darkness Meet (Part One of the Pallona Saga)

XI

Chapter XI
Progress

     He pulls away from my touch, rushing out of my chambers in a flurry of emotion and black robes. I hope I've won this tiny battle in the midst of a massive war—literally and figuratively.
     Things start to look better after our conversation. With incredible patience and manipulation, I force Ben to open up to me a little. He doesn't reveal much about himself, but I do learn that he feels weak despite having all the power of the dark side, and that sometimes, he wishes he could ask his mother—Princess Leia—for advice. I have hope that if he still wishes for his parents, he'll realize on his own that the lure of the dark side isn't worth the loss of his family.
     It also makes me remember that Han Solo and Leia Organa are his parents. I always thought of him as Luke Skywalker's nephew, a great Jedi following his uncle. I forget that he is really the son of a princess and a scoundrel-turned-Rebel hero.
     When I'm not playing my own game against Ben, I'm meditating, conversing with BB-3 or thinking of new ways in which I can turn Solo to the light. I would feel so much better with my lightsaber at my belt, but I'm scared that if I ask, Ben will think I've consoled him only to gain his trust so I can betray him. I don't know how I would explain that, if anything, I want to be certain that Ben doesn't betray me. So I continue to slowly break down his walls until one day, I decide to be bold.
     "And, if I may, I'd like to have my lightsaber back."
     "And why would I do that?" Ben asks this casually, making me sag with relief that he didn't just explode on me.
     "It makes me feel safer. It's green, you know, which reminds me of the grassy fields on Zeffo that I used to run around with my mother in. Having it back would bring me some comfort..."
     He stares at me for a while, and I continue to play my part, lowering my head and acting bashful as if this is something I'm uncomfortable with sharing.
     "Fine," he finally says, unclipping my weapon from his belt and handing it over. "But if you try anything foolish, I'll never give in to you—or listen to you—again."
I know how to work his words to my advantage, so I say, "Ben. You know I'm your friend. You're the only person who I feel close to. I don't want to hurt you, ever."
He breathes deeply, and in true Ben form, he leaves just as things are becoming too uncomfortable for him. He knows me better than anyone, which means that he knows I'm not lying. It frightens him to know that he has a friend still. He tried to kill all of them years ago so that he wouldn't be faced with this kind of interaction ever again.
It's just my luck that he forgot to kill me.

     Having my lightsaber back feels like getting to eat after fasting for my Jedi training. I feel whole again as I twist the metal hilt in my hand, the copper and chrome details shining in the harsh white lights of my bedroom. I decide to exercise, something I haven't done in so long. I swing the ignited saber over my head, around my torso, jabbing at imaginary enemies. Master Skywalker's training shouts in my mind: faster, more controlled, not so sloppy, Evangeline. I'm already sweating from the exertion, but I practice until my arms are sore and my hair is coming out of its braids.  I spend some time afterwards washing up, re-braiding my hair, and hesitantly slipping on my black and red First Order clothes. I'd much rather don my grey Jedi robes, but they're simply too dirty and—quite frankly—fetid for wear at this point.
     Despite the clothes and the slowness of each passing day, I feel pleasant. My progress with Ben is more than I would have expected two weeks ago, and the fact that he trusts me enough to give me my lightsaber back makes me feel victorious. BB-3 even notices my change in mood, making him beep and whir more happily than he used to.
But suddenly, I feel a disturbance in the Force, sensing danger and, following that, the familiar feel of the Force-sensitive girl. I touch my temple to relieve the headache I now have, but it does no good when red lights start flashing overhead in my room.