I sit at the doorstep of my childhood home still sobbing. It feels like time itself has stopped. Like nothing has or will ever matter. All in one night I lost everyone I loved, every friend, every family member. Hell, even people I don't know despise me. The words of my piers ring in my head, 'Liar', 'cheater', 'coward', 'bastard' then the words of my parents begin to join in the chorus of disappointing voices stuck in my mind. 'Disgrace', 'disappointment', 'ignorant'. The voices continue to yell and scream at me like some twisted song I can't get out of my head. The tears continue to pour out of my eyes as if they are two giant rain clouds, showing no signs of stopping. I don't realize how much time has passed until I notice light filling my surroundings. Through my glassy, tear filled eyes I look up and see the sun rising. I wipe the tears away using my forearm and collect my small amount of bags and begin to walk to Parker's house. I try to text her but my phone has been cut off and will no longer send messages. The tears stop occasionally, but continue to pour out as I walk the 6 miles to Parker's house. It takes me almost 2 hours and and by the time I get there it's almost 8:00 AM. Thankfully today isn't a school day and I have two days left to establish myself wherever I might be staying. By the time I reach Parker's house my legs and arms are sore from carrying my bags so long. By now the tears have stopped or at least slowed to the point where they aren't too noticeable. But they left my cheeks soaking wet. I set my bags down by her door and knock. The next few minutes are excruciating, as all the possible outcomes fly through my head. After the longest minute of my life passes she goes to open the door. When she sees me on the ground crying with all of my bags surrounding me she rushes to me and hugs me. When she realizes her reaction she immediately pulls away and crosses her arms on her chest. Trying to be as serious as she can, she asks "What are you doing here? You lied to everyone except Tucker. I am your best friend, you can't keep shit like that away from me. What do you want from me?" I love the way she pretends to be mad at me, it's so obvious that she doesn't truly feel that way. I give a light smile for the first time in almost 12 hours. "I'm really, truly, sorry. I was scared. Scared of something that ended up happening anyway. My parents kicked me out and disowned me, I need a place to stay. Can I please stay with you?" Her arms are wrapped around me once more. Sympathetically she says "Blake, of course you can. Come on in, I know why you did what you did." Still on my knees I look up, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. "Really?" She waves me on inside and grabs a few of my bags, "Of course. I can't throw away 6 years of amazing friendship just because you were running from your problems just like the rest of us." I stand up and walk into her house. As usual it is clean and tidy. I follow her into the guest bedroom where everything is set up for me already.
"Sit down, you need your rest. Did you sleep at all last night?" I try to sift through my hazy memory of the night before. Stuttering likely from exhaustion, I muster out a "I.. I'm not sure. I just remember crying until the sun rose. I may have passed out a few times in between. Did you know I was coming?" She closes her eyes and looks down before jumping on the bed next to me. "Blake, as soon as Jessica made her.... "speech", I came home and got everything ready for you. I wasn't 100% sure of what was going on, but I wanted to be ready in case. You were pretty bad at hiding it all. Your parents were blatantly homophobic and you very clearly didn't like men in the way I do, when you described your feelings about him it was just... off. It wasn't like the rest of us. You never pointed out cute guys or had a celebrity crush. It was always pretty clear you didn't have sexual attraction to men but I wanted you to figure it out on your own it wasn't a decision I could make for you. I knew your parents could have kicked you out as soon as you got home and I did my best to prepare to help you the best I could. Now tell me, what happened?" Her voice is calm, yet desperate. I give a huge sigh as I try to keep myself from bursting into another fit of tears.
"About two months ago I was watching a regular TV show when a lesbian couple appeared and began describing their experiences with coming out, mostly to themselves. By the end of the video I had realized that I felt the exact same way. I never liked boys more than just a friend, and if I ever thought I did they were typically feminine. On top of that I had always viewed women on this high pedestal like they were everything without even realizing it. That single video caused everything to crash down for me. I knew my parents would kick me out and I didn't want to risk them finding out by telling too many other people, so I thought of a plan to make certain nobody would know I was gay, except one single person. I did like Tucker Collins last year, just not in the way I thought. Deep down I just... knew. I knew he was gay and running from it like I had been. He always preferred to be with Alex than Jessica and clearly wasn't happy with her when he was with her. The next day after I realized I was gay I ran up to Tucker and accused him of being gay and begged him to agree to a deal with me. We date, just to keep everyone off the track that each of us were gay. Neither of us would have to commit to a relationship where we would need to display public acts of affection and nobody would be suspicious. When he said yes I assumed it would be easy to follow through with. We keep up the act until we graduate then we can 'break up' because long distance just didn't work for us and we could both live our separate lives in cities far away from here. I thought the only trouble I might experience might be with Tucker and whether he falls through with the plan or not. I thought I could stick with the plan even in the hardest times. But I underestimated my self control. About a week after we began our plan, my mom sent me to a camp during spring break where I...." I pause and begin to sob again. Parker rubs my back as I cry and tells me "Take your time, it's ok." Once I collect myself I continue. "I met her. The surf camp was where I met her. Her name is Skylar and the second my eyes found her I knew she was it for me. I didn't think she would feel the same until she kissed me that night. Every time I was with her my heart and brain spoke two separate languages. I wanted to be with her so badly, but I knew I couldn't tell anyone. Instead of telling her that, I lied to her. I let her believe I was out to everyone and they all knew about her, when only Tucker did. With every lie I got even more stuck in the web of lies I wove. I thought I could keep everything from crashing down, but I was so wrong. When she arrived at prom with me yesterday I tried so hard to keep us apart in any way we could but the pull I felt towards her was so strong and I just..." through the tears I continue, "I pulled her to the side room where we made out where nobody would be watching... But Jessica saw us together... and you. You know the rest. Skye wants nothing to do with me now." I continue to sob and sob. Parker says "Give me your phone, and get some sleep. You need your rest." She hugs me and takes my phone before I can say no. After the night I've had, I end up crying myself into a deep sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Walking on a Tightrope
RomanceWhen Blake Thompson discovers she is a lesbian, she goes to her seventh grade "crush" for help. He is gay, but closeted, so she makes a deal with him; They date so nobody finds out either of them are gay. But what will become of this? Will they keep...
