The secrets of Joanne

Telling

"Why?"

Those words hit Dianne like a truck. The truth is, she didn't know why. She just started again and she couldn't help it. Tears fell down her cheeks uncontrollably. 

"I-I don't k-know. Please d-don't tell Joe." 

"Di babe, I'm going to have to. I can't let you do this to yourself again. Please Dianne, you obviously need to talk about it with someone. Can you talk to me about it? Or maybe Joe, when you get back?" 

"I can't Amy. I don't know why I started to do it again, okay. I'm sorry." 

"Di, do you know how seriously hurt Joe is going to be once you tell him you've gone back to this. When you ran away, was the worst time of his life. One of the worst times of my life as well. Something obviously started it. Can you try and think back and just try and talk to me."

"Look, it started when me and Joe had that argument. I cut myself just before I got into your car."  

"Wait, you cut yourself before you got into my car?" 

"Yeah." 

"Is that why you've been wearing jumpers recently?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'm going to ask you something and I don't want you to kick off at me okay?" 

"Okay?" 

"Can I please have the thing that you used. To protect you from doing it again." 

"No. It's my escape from reality Amy. You don't understand." 

"I don't understand?" 

Amy took of her jumper to reveal all different kind of scars on her body, from where she was younger. 

"Y-you self-harmed to?"

"Yes. And the only people who know are Ben and my parents. I do understand Di. So please, I'm trying to help you. Can I please have the thing you used?" 

Dianne moved her hand to her pocket and pulled out the blade she used. She reluctantly gave it to Amy, and Amy put it in the bin. 

"How long have I been in here?" 

"When I came in, 10, but now it's probably about 20."

"Oh my gosh, everyone's going to ask where we were." 

"Don't worry, I'll just say we were chatting. I think you might need to reapply your makeup, just so they don't suspect anything." 

"Thanks Amy, you're the best. Wait. I don't have any makeup to put on." 

"I have some. You can borrow mine if you want." 

Amy pulled out her makeup remover wipes and her makeup. Dianne took about 5 minutes putting it back on. Amy had cheered Dianne up and they walked out, smiling. "What took you guys so long?" Joe found something suspicious and knew that something was up. "We were just chatting, we got bored." Amy tried to cover it up. It worked, thank god and Joe thought now nothing was wrong. Dianne sat back down next to Joe and started eating her food, that was now cold. 

//

They were now back at the hotel and Dianne was extremely quiet. She was laid down on Joe's chest and Joe was playing with her hair. 

"Are you alright Dot? You've been really quiet today."

"I'm fine Joe." 

"From what I know is that 'I'm fine' doesn't actually mean you're fine. What's going on Dotty?"

"If you really want to know, then text Amy. I don't want to talk about it." 

Joe picked up his phone, off of the bedside table and called Amy.

'Hiya Amy, Dot's been really quiet today and she said to me that I should call you if I want to know what's going on because she doesn't want to talk about it.'

'Oh okay. Do you really want to know Joe? I'm not going to lie, it might break your heart.' 

'Oh god, I'm scared now. Yeah, I would like to know please.' 

'So, when we were in the restaurant, she went to the toilet, which we obviously thought nothing of. But when she was in there for a long time, I obviously went in there to check on her. I walked in and heard crying, so I checked if it was her, which it was. She came out and her face was tear stained. I asked her if she was okay and she went to walk out, so, I tried to stop her and I grabbed her wrist. She made a noise and flinched and I pulled her sleeve up and I found new cuts. She's self-harming again Joe, but I only know that it started when you and Dianne had that argument at home. I don't know anything else. All I'm going to say, is keep and eye on her.'

'Oh my god how did I not notice? Thank you Amy. I'm going to try and talk to her now about it.' 

'Okay, good luck Joe. Bye.'

'Bye.'

Joe hung up the phone and kissed Dianne's head. 

"Dot, can we please talk about this?"

Dianne sat up and stared at the wall in front of her. She knew Joe would have been broken, so that's why she didn't look at him. 

"Why have you gone back to this? You were 5 years clean gorgeous." 

"I don't know Joe, okay. Do you or Amy not understand that?" 

"Dot, please try and stay calm. Please, you can't do this to yourself again, what would you do if Crystal found out?" 

"I'm sorry Joe! I'm sorry. I can't stop. It's my escape from reality. You don't understand! I have to do it." 

"No you don't Dot. I really think we should get you some lessons." 

"Lessons on what? How to be a normal human being and not a fat and annoying one?" 

"You are not fat and annoying, please don't start that again. I'm talking about therapy lessons Dot. I really think you need to go." 

"I'm not going to therapy lessons. I ran away last time you tried to get me there. Want me to do it again, huh?." 

"No, I don't want you to run away again gorgeous. Look, how about just one, and I'll go with you, to help you." 

"Fine." 

"Really? You would actually go if I came with you?" 

"Yes. I will. Now shut up about therapy. I can't stand that word." 

Joe picked up his phone and called the therapist place. 

"Hello, how can I help you?" 

"Hiya, is it possible to book a therapist appointment for tomorrow please?" 

"And, who's this appointment for?" 

"Dianne, my girlfriend." 

"Okay. Do you want to sit in there with her or sit outside whilst the session is going on?"

"Can I sit in there please? She gets very anxious very easily." 

"Sure can do. You're appointment is at 10.30 tomorrow morning." 

"Thank you so much, I'll see you then." 

"Thank you. See you tomorrow, have a good day sir." 

"You too." 

Hello everyone! Sorry I've been away for so long, I haven't written anything for the past 3 days, however I do have chapters written in advance. Hope you are all doing well during this uncertain time. I hope you all stay safe an wash your hands. Thanks for reading x :)