The secrets of Joanne

Chapter 13~ Performance

Dianne's POV:
We got to the studio and the producer immediately came up to me and asked, "How come you missed Stage block through yesterday Dianne?"
"I was throwing up badly and I started to throw up blood as well. So Joe took me to the hospital and I had to have surgery because I had stomach ulcers." I was so scared to tell them that.
"Oh, ok I understand." He replied.

After the performance
D: Joe! You did so well! Well done!
J: No I didn't babe. And you know that. That was my worst and we are probably going to get eliminated this week because of me.

I could just tell his eyes were tearing up.

D: Babe. Don't cry. It's alright. The only thing that matters is that you did me proud. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Promise you.

Joe smiled at me. He gave me the best hug in the world after that. He makes me feel so safe. Stacey came round the corner. "Di? Can I just borrow you quickly?" She asked. "Yeah go ahead. Anything to get away from this dickhead." I laughed. Joe just looked at me with a shocked look on his face. I looked at him and just laughed. Me and Stacey walked out the room and started talking.

S: Hi Di. Just wanted to say that your dance today just gave me all the feels. It was brilliant.
D: Thanks Stacey. This is why you are my friend. You support me in anyway possible.
S: So anyway. When you were changing I noticed a scar or cut on your stomach. I just wanted you ask if you are alright. It looks bad.

My chest went tight and I started shaking really bad. I started to cry.

S: Di.. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just-
D: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Joe came out from round the corner and looked at Stacey. He was running after me. "Babe!" I heard him shout. I turned around.
J: What happened Di?
D: s-sshe as-ked me-e about my s-s-scars-s
J: Ok babe listen, I'll go speak to her now. Ok?
D: NO! She's gonna hate me.

I started to cry into Joe's shoulder.

D: I told you everyone will hate me. I want to go home.
J: Are you sure you want to go home?
D: Yeah. I'm sure.

The car journey home was really quiet. Dianne didn't say a word. Even if I asked her a question. At least we have a day off tomorrow.

The Next Morning
Dianne's POV:
I woke up to a bunch of hate messages on my phone.
'We see you've had surgery, probably to get rid of that fat!'
'Seems like exercise is doing the opposite for you, making you fat'
'Just cut yourself'
The last one really hit me
'Go commit suicide because this world would be so much happier without you'

I do hate myself. I am really fat. There's only one option. Self harm.