Rise Till' We Fall [TAEGYU]

#12: It's all absurd

(Beomgyu's POV)

I don't understand why I lost control, or why I walked away so quickly not even bothering to say anything, to explain anything. Tae must have got the wrong idea or is it the right one? I don't understand myself; nothing makes sense anymore. 

I can still taste him on my lips, feel his touch on my cheeks. I shouldn't have enjoyed that so much. Why am I enjoying what happened earlier? I raised a finger, trying to recreate the feeling of his lips on mine. It isn't supposed to feel so right. I hid in my room, facing the window, ignoring the knocks from the door. 

A call interrupted my thoughts. "Hello?" I picked it up, checking the caller ID. It's Mum. 

"Dear Beomie! How's your day going?" her cheerful voice rang through the room. I turned off the speaker mode. "It's okay," I said, trying my best to keep my voice happy. "Well, baby boy, do you know Choi Yeonjun and Choi Soobin from your school?" "Yeah. Why are you asking about them?" I have a bad feeling about this.

"Oh, well, I just heard from the other moms that they're apparently......that, you know what I mean. They're bound to be an influence on people, aren't they? Kids these days......I don't understand what got into their systems, thinking that being that is cool. I'm not saying they are bad people, but just stay away from them, please?" She said. "Oh, by the way, do you see anyone that you particularly fancy? I would love my son to have someone to love. Let me know! Call at least once a week, okay? Your sister is already convinced that you moved to Australia." 

"Okay. Bye Mum, I have a class to go to." I quickly ended the call, feeling nauseated. 

I tossed my phone away and heard the soft thud as it fell onto my bed. I looked around my room in a daze, falling to my knees as I grabbed fists of my hair and tugged, in an attempt to cover the feelings I experience now. Nothing makes sense anymore, my world slowly dissolving under my feet. 

I wish I never met Tae. I might be miserable in that life, but being miserable is better than being this. I don't know what to call this, never felt something like this. 

I stood up and picked up the white paper bag by the door, staring at the note writing "To dear Tae" on it. I tore it in tiny little pieces, making sure that the words aren't recognizable. I took out the folded letter too, tearing it up the best I can, then sprinkled the remains into the bag. I scrunched it up and tossed the whole thing into the trash. 

The knocks silenced. I heard footsteps along the hall, fading away as Tae left. I slumped to the ground as the weight of everything finally settles in. There's got to be a way but it won't be easy.

(Taehyun's POV)

I had always known Chaeryoung. She's a very sweet girl with really good drawing skills. She had admitted that she had a crush on Beomgyu and I think Gyu quite liked her too. But I never knew that they would end up dating. And just a week after you-know-what happened. 

And I liked the experience. The kiss, I mean. I sort of wish it happened all the time. But I broke it off at the end. I'm not going to be in that sort of relationship with someone that's not my lover. Call me old school but whatever. 

First of all, I'm not okay with what he did. Definitely not. You shouldn't kiss someone and date someone else after a week. At least my morals go against this. Fuck, how could he do something so intimate, so suggestive, then leave? What the fuck? Usually, I don't swear, but what is this shit he's doing?

Second of all, I didn't cry. Trust me. I did not get my hopes high so I'm not disappointed. At all. 

That was sarcasm of course. How could I keep my distance when all he does is making me confused? Is it only me or kissing someone means that you like them? Or am I too naive? He's not gay, I knew that already, but I thought kissing a guy if you're a guy means you're gay, or at least bi. Am I mistaken? 

And I just sort of went through two whole packs of tissue paper. Sorry earth for wasting so much. 

I hope nobody will notice my just-cried face when I get to class. I put on a white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, wore some light makeup, and grabbed a black jacket and my schoolbag before rushing out of the dorms. I'm not going to make him feel bad for me. I'm going to show him I'm completely, totally fine without him. Humph. 

When I got to class, all I could hear is the talk about Gyu and Chaeryoung. People were congratulating them and saying how lucky they are to have each other, which drove me nuts. I lay down on the table and tries to sleep since I was up last night. 

"Oh my god, you're here! How is it with your new boyfriend~?" A girl screamed, making me groan and cover my ears. Chaeryoung sat down smiling, turning over to talk to her friends. Oh, I forgot to mention, her sitting in front of me with Gyu next to me isn't helping. 

And the world's savior, all hailed Choi Beomgyu came in with a bunch of cheers and shouts, making me more irritated with every second. I let myself take a peek. He was wearing a black shirt tucked into what looked like pajama pants, looking sort of tense and tired. Ha, not doing so well too, aren't you? But he looks so cute and breathtaking at the same time......why am I acting like a hormone infested teenager? Oh well, I am technically one, being 17. Screw me. 

I hid my head in my arms as I eavesdropped. "Well, I just found her cute and asked her out," Gyu was saying, while the other girls cooed and screamed as they bombarded the couple with compliments about how good they look together. Chaeryoung was beaming as she retold the whole story about how romanticly Gyu confessed to her, under the moonlight or what, I don't even fucking care--I sound like a bitter ex, right? Whatever, I don't care about anything anymore. 

He's obviously acting tense and fake smiling. What the fuck. He's really going too far in terms of violating my morals. If you don't like the person, don't date them or do anything suggestive. You don't know how they'll respond to those actions. You don't play with people's emotions that easily. What is he doing? I'm not used to not understanding. 

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So I made this chapter in two POVs because I wanted to make it longer since I'll be leaving for about a week. The Dragon Boat Festival is coming here in Taiwan and we have a four-day break from school! My family and I are going to visit my grandmother in Kaoshiung, and I'm not going to bring my computer, so it might be a week or two before I update again. I'll miss you guys! 

Also sorry if this chapter is a little annoying though because it's mostly just Taehyun rambling about how absurd everything is while Beomgyu deals with his own problems and feelings. But if I was in their places I would think the same, so I wrote this based on my own experiences on love. 

I can't write sarcasm though, sorry.